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Tools of Destruction script sandbox



When Aren't They Heavily Armed?

Clank: Fuel lines?

Ratchet: Check.

Clank: Horizontal stabilizers?

Ratchet: Check.

Clank: Ion thrusters?

Ratchet: Looks like we've got a tailwind. If we time it right, we can ride the slipstream of the grav-train past the c-grid traffic...

Clank: Ahem.

Ratchet: Launch the mag-grappler onto the pedway overpass, and slingshot right up to-...

Clank: Ratchet!

Ratchet: The thrusters are fine, Clank. See?

Ratchet: Don't worry, it's probably just a fused ion duct.

Clank: Incoming message from Captain Qwark.

Qwark: Ratchet? Clank? I've, uh, got a bit of a situation here at the Planetary Defense Center. Nothing I can't handle mind you, just a few thousand heavily armed robotic commandos. But I figured hey, if you're in the neighborhood, maybe- (screams)

Qwark: Wait! I'm too handsome to die!

Clank: Hmm. Heavily armed robotic commandos?

Ratchet: When aren't they heavily armed?

Clank: Are you sure this is functioning properly?

Ratchet: You worry too much. Planetary Defense Center, here we go- (screams)

Clank: Oh dear!

Ratchet and Clank: (screams)

Ratchet: Clank, hit the auxiliary thrusters!

Ratchet: Woohoo! You all right?

Clank: Watch out!

Ratchet: Whoops, whoa!

Ratchet: Agh!

Clank: Where are you going?

Ratchet: It's a shortcut, trust me!

Clank: Ratchet, look out!

Ratchet: Whoa! See, what did I-...

Clank: Oh, no!

Ratchet and Clank: (screams)

Ratchet: Heh. Well, looks like we're going on foot. At least I can try out my new nav-unit.

Go to the Defense Center (gameplay)

(Upon gaining control of Ratchet.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Welcome back, Customer 91802! The Gadgetron Help Desk will be happy to assist you.

HelpDesk: Welcome back, Customer 91802! If you are looking to combat a massive deadly space armada, the Gadgetron HelpDesk will be happy to assist.

Drophyd Commander: The lombax is somewhere in this city. Bring back it's head for the Emperor!

Drophyd Commander: The lombax must be here somewhere! Obliterate this pathetic city!

(Upon using the jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Yeah!

Drophyd Commander: The lombax is to be considered armed and extremely dangerous. Set blasters to atomize!

(Upon idling near the grind rail.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Jump on the grind rail to use your Grindboots!

HelpDesk: Jump on the grind rail to use your Grindboots!

(Upon jumping onto the grind rail.)
Drophyd Commander: He's escaping on a mag rail, heading south!

(Upon going through the building with an archway in the middle.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To enter Aim Mode, press and hold L1. You can then aim using Right analog stick, and move using Left analog stick. Press L1 to fire.

HelpDesk: To enter Aim Mode, press and hold the look button. You can then aim using right stick, and move using left stick. Press the R1 button to fire.

(Upon using the second jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Yeah!

Drophyd Commander: The lombax is escaping on the meteor pads! Track is trajectory and converge on his position!

(Upon using the third jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Yee-haw!

(Upon walking onto the sky bridge.)
Drophyd Commander: Lombax identified on the sky bridge. Commence aerial bombardment.

Clank: Ratchet, the sky bridge is collapsing!

(Upon taking the grind rail after the sky bridge.)
Drophyd Commander: Incinerator missiles armed and locked in! Commence firing!

(When the grav-trains approach while on the grind rail.)
Drophyd Commander: The lombax has been sighted near the grav-trains. All units, move in and cut him off!

(Upon using the next jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Yeah!

Drophyd Commander: He's heading towards the planet's central defense station. Dispatch enforcers to that sector. Do not let him inside!

(Upon using the next jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Whoo!

(Upon using the next jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Yeah!

Clank: Ratchet, the planetary defense center is two hundred cubits below us! How do you propose we get down?

Ratchet: I don't know, I'm kinda winging it right now.

(When Ratchet begins freefalling TBV.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Tilt the SIXAXIS™ wireless controller to steer through traffic.

Ratchet: Had to invade during rush hour.

Radioactive Amoeboids... Please Press Two

Ratchet: Looks pretty quiet. Where's Qwark?

Qwark: Greetings, citizen. I'm away from my post at the Planetary Defense Center. Please enter the number that best describes your emergency. If you are being attacked by radioactive amoeboids, please press one. If you have been ingested by a mutant space eel, please press two. If your city is being attacked by a massive, deadly space armada, please press three. Para Español, oprima numero cuatro.

Clank: I believe you may be their intended target.

Ratchet: You think?

Escape on the Mag Rail (gameplay)

(Upon gaining control of Ratchet.)
Drophyd Commander: We have a lock on the lombax. Take him out!

(Before approaching a broken section of the grind rail.)
Clank: My sensors are picking up structural damage to the grind rail!

(While passing by the falling building.)
Drophyd Commander: All units, fall back! The Emperor has him in his sights!

(When Tachyon's ship approaches.)
Clank: Ratchet, that warship is gaining on us!

Your Name's Percival?

Percival Tachyon: Behold! The last lombax in the universe! (chuckles) Truly a pathetic specimen of the race, I'm afraid. So weak.

Ratchet: And you are?

Percival Tachyon: Emperor Percival Tachyon, Crown Prince of the Cragmites, conqueror of space and time, and, pending the obliteration of a few insubordinate species, ruler of the universe!

Ratchet: Your name's Percival?

Clank: (chuckles)

Percival Tachyon (screaming): Emperor!

Percival Tachyon: See the crown? See the scepter? The giant walking throne and legion of loyal robotic commandos?! Emperor!

Percival Tachyon: Not that a treacherous furball like you could... what's this? Heh, such a primitive robot companion, and your kind used to be such renowned engineers. (chuckles)

Ratchet: Oh, I'd be careful if I were you. He's got poso-morphic blaster cannons in each fingertip.

Percival Tachyon: Hmm. My gripe is not with the people of this archaic planet but with you! Surrender your deathbot and simply allow us to kill you. No one else need be harmed!

Ratchet: Fair enough. Here you go!

Hypersleep Does Not Work On Robots

(TBV if this voice has some name.)
Overhead Speaker: Autopilot engaged.

Ratchet: Whoa! Hang on, Clank!

Overhead Speaker: Hyperspace boosters online. Engaging cryosleep.

Ratchet: Cryosleep? Nah, there's no way I'm gonna-... (snores)

Clank: It is fortunate cryosleep does not work on robots. (chuckles)

His Past Is Inside

Zoni: His past is inside.


Explore Cobalia (gameplay)

(Upon waking up on Cobalia.)
Ratchet: Clank? Clank! Are you okay?! You got knocked out there for a minute.

Clank: I am fine. Where are we?

Ratchet: Beats me. Ship must have run out of fuel while on autopilot.

Ratchet: Come on, we need to find another ship and get back to Kerwan.

(Upon approaching the ledge shortly before a small building TBV lock strafe.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To perform a High Jump, hold R2, then press X

(Upon approaching the open area after wall jumping.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To Glide, jump then press and hold X.

(Upon breaking the jackpot crate.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): With the jackpot powerup, you will temporarily earn more bolts and raritanium.

HelpDesk: With the Jackpot Powerup, you will temporarily earn more bolts and raritanium.

Defeat the Leviathan (gameplay)

(Upon defeating the leviathan and collecting its soul.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You have collected a Leviathan Soul. These are valuable in the Polaris Galaxy, and can be traded for bolts.

HelpDesk: You have collected a leviathan soul. These are valuable in the Polaris Galaxy and can be traded for bolts.

Explore the Spaceport (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the spaceport.)
On-screen: Cobalia Spaceport

(Random announcer dialogue? TBV)

  • Attention citizens of Cobalia. The Imperial Defense Force reports that a lombax has infiltrated the star sector. The empire expects your full cooperation in neutralizing this threat to our security.
  • Attention citizens of Cobalia. Today is Tachyon appreciation day. You must show your devotion to our leader by kneeling at the nearest Tachyon appreciation station.
  • Attention citizens of Cobalia. Never forget the horrors and atrocities committed by the lombax species. We could not allow even one of these dreadful creatures to survive.
  • Attention, any citizen who sees the renegade lombax is hereby authorized to use deadly and excruciatingly painful force in its capture.
  • Citizens of Cobalia, if you are approached by the renegade lombax, remember- do not speak to it. lombaxes are well known for their insidious mind tricks. You must shoot on sight. Do not listen to his treasonous lombax lies.
  • Attention citizens of Cobalia. Due to its overwhelming popularity, Tachyon appreciation day will be extended infinity days plus one. Please mark your calendars accordingly.

(Upon walking up the raised platforms in the spaceport.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To access your map, press the SELECT button.

HelpDesk: To access your map, press the select button.

(Upon approaching the smuggler TBV parrot's name.)
Smuggler: Don't you lay this on me, you worthless sack of kerchu sweat! You were supposed to watch the gel gauge!

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! Blame the parrot! Always blame the parrot!

Clank: Is everything all right, sir?

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! Imperial spies! Hide their bodies! Bawk!

Smuggler: Oh! Well excuse my friend, we're just a couple of humble smugglers. Unfairly hunted and persecuted wherever we go! Yep, seems the imperials have shut down the planet's gelatonium plant. They must be, ah, lookin' for someone.

Ratchet: Well we're kind of stranded ourselves. Our ship crashed back there and-...

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! Kill 'em now, sell their kidneys!

Smuggler: Stranded, hm? I'll tell you what, pal. We're gonna make you a deal. You get the gel pumps workin' and we'll, uh, procure a vessel for ya.

Smuggler: Here, you'll need this Gelanator.

(While talking to the Smuggler.)

  • (Upon selecting "What are Leviathan Souls?")
    Smuggler: Bolts in the bank, friend. Look here, there are creatures out there. Now, the ones of the larger variety carry in each of 'em a Leviathan Soul. Now I kill 'em, I collect 'em, and then sell 'em. And I'll tell you what, you find any souls, and you be sure and bring 'em back to me, ya hear? I'll give you a fair price for 'em.
  • (TBV challenge mode Upon selecting "Trade all your Leviathan Souls for 2000 bolts each")
    Smuggler: TBV
  • (Upon selecting "Where the heck are we?")
    Smuggler: (laughs) Oh, you gotta be kiddin' me. Friend, you're on Cobalia. It's the Gel Capital of the Polaris Galaxy! Well, at least it was until Emperor Tachyon shut down the plant.
  • (Upon selecting "Who is Emperor Tachyon?")
    Smuggler: (chuckles) The runt? Well, he's somethin' of a mystery. Come here, I heard he was hatched from an egg, frozen somewhere in the Verdigris Sector like a Cragmite-cicle. You know? You oughta be careful around him, he's got himself a sore spot for lombaxes.

Search Cobalia (gameplay)

(Upon entering the gelatonium plant.)
On-screen: Cobalia Gelatonium Plant

Announcer: Attention citizen, this plant has been shut down on the order of Emperor Tachyon. You are trespassing on imperial property.

(Upon turning the first bolt crank.)
Announcer: Gelatonium pump restored. Plant operating at fifty percent efficiency. We must remind you that you are currently defying a direct imperial decree. Desist at once.

(Upon turning the second bolt crank.)
Announcer: Gelatonium plant restored to one-hundred percent efficiency. Emperor Tachyon will be most displeased.

Clank: Ratchet, we should see that smuggler about the ride he promised.

(Upon approaching the devices vendor for the first time.)
Device's Vendor TBV: What do ya do, what do ya say, what's the haps there, slick? Devices are special combat items, very handly in a pinch. C'mon, step into our office and take a look-see!

Hitch a Ride with the Smuggler (gameplay)

(While talking to the Smuggler.)

  • (Upon selecting "How about that ride?".)
    Smuggler: Now I can take ya'll as far as Stratus City. How'd that be?
    • (Upon selecting "Let's go!", proceed to next planet.)
    • (Upon selecting "No Thanks", exit the dialogue options.)
      Smuggler: All right, suit yourself. We'll be here when you're ready.


Hitch a Ride with the Smuggler (gameplay continued)

(Upon arrival.)
Ratchet: So the Polaris Galaxy, Tachyon owns all of it?

Smuggler: Yep! Ironic, ain't it? The one Cragmite they didn't vaporize comes back to oppress the galaxy.

Clank: Who is they?

Smuggler: Who? Are you kidding me? The lombaxes! Vaporized the whole lot of them years ago, left the Cragmite planet nothing but an empty hunk of dirt.

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! All hail the lombaxes! Bawk! Saviors of the universe!

Overhead Speaker: Attention transport vessel: a bioscan reveals a lombax lifeform aboard your ship. Stand by for immediate disintegration.

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! Ditch the lombax! Nothing but trouble! Nothing but trouble!

Clank: Sir, if you jettison the excess cargo, you could increase your speed, and evade capture.

Smuggler: I couldn't agree more.

Ratchet and Clank: (screams)

Escape Tachyon's Forces (gameplay)

(Either upon landing or by approaching the group of enemies TBV)
Drophyd Commander: He's touching down in sector one. Send all available drophyd units!

(When the dropship appears.)
Drophyd Commander: Dropship touching down in sector one. Dispatching sentries!

(Upon approaching the first telescreen.)
Percival Tachyon (telescreen): Attention citizens, this is your humble dictator. The Imperial Defense Force is searching for a fugitive Lombax guilty of countless violations against this Empire including theft of an imperial cruiser. Destroy him before he defiles any more of this great city.

(Upon approaching the drophyd cyclocannon TBV)
Clank: Perhaps we should try using one of our devices against that cyclocannon.

(Upon approaching the pedway.)
Drophyd Commander: The Lombax is entering the city! Bombard the pedway! Nothing gets through!

(Upon obtaining the Shock Ravager.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Press Circle to flog enemies with the Shock Ravager.

HelpDesk: The Shock Ravager uses electrical current to neutralize shielded enemies. To perform a whip attack, press the fire button.

(Upon destroying the cyclocannon after crossing the pedway.)
Drophyd Commander: He just took out another cyclocannon! Dispatch gunships to sector two! Destroy the Lombax menace!

(Upon approaching the second telescreeen.)
Drophyd Commander: Attention drophyds! I am sending in more ships to help stomp out the Lombax threat. Try not to let him blow them up. They're not made of bolts, you know.

(Upon approaching the zip line TBV)
Drophyd Commander: All units, be advised! We now have a an armed Lombax inside the city. Yellow fur, long ears, maybe travelling with a nanotech death bot.

HelpDesk (on-screen): Here you'll experience the invigorating splendor of zip lining. Stand under the zip line and press X to use it.

HelpDesk: Here you'll experience the invigorating splendor of zip lining. Stand under the zip line and press the jump button to use it.

Swing through the Docks (gameplay)

(Upon failing to Swingshot onto the first transport.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To latch onto the transport, equip the Swingshot using the Quick Select, then press and hold Circle to latch on. Hold down Circle until you wish to let go.

HelpDesk: TBV

(Upon swingshotting onto the first air tram.)
Drophyd Commander: All drophyds move to the skyway. The Lombax has hijacked an air tram!

(Shortly before dropping onto the platform with a vendor.)
Drophyd Commander: Lombax sighted approaching the sector four skydock. All units move in to intercept.

(Upon taking out the two Tachyon gunships.)
Drophyd Commander: He just took out two gunships! Alert the Emperor! Tell him we require reinforcements to snare the Lombax menace!

(Upon approaching the telescreen after wall jumping.)
Percival Tachyon (telescreen): Attention drophyds, any trooper who allows the Lombax through their sector will be tried as a conspirator and executed.

(After activating the bridge.)
Drophyd Commander: He's activated the bridge to sector five. Send in a dropship immediately!

(Upon approaching the telescreen after the zip line TBV.)
Percival Tachyon (telescreen): Attention citizens of Stratus City, to aid in the reconstruction of the Forstulon Tower, we have brought in a team of migrant kerchu workers. For your own protection, please stay clear of these creatures as they are violent and ill tempered. They also smell like blarg dung.

(After swingshotting to the platform past the telescreen.)
Clank: Ratchet, those creatures are telling us to go inside that building.

Ratchet: Creatures? What creatures? Did you get your wires crossed in that crash?

Fly to the Hall of Knowledge (gameplay)

(After the cutscene plays.)
Ratchet: Clank? Have you been modifying yourself in private?

Clank: Absolutely not. And I do not care much for your tone.

(Before taking off with the Robo-Wings TBV Sixaxis.)

Robo-Wings Controls
Left analog stick Fly
X Flap Robo-Wings
Triangle Deactivate Robo-Wings

(Upon taking off with the Robo-Wings.)
Zoni: We can guide you, sire.

(Upon crashing with the Robo-Wings.)
Zoni: Aww.

(Upon flying past the location of the first vendor in the level.)
Drophyd Commander: The Lombax is airborne! He's headed for the Hall of Knowledge.

(Upon successfully landing at the Hall of Knowledge.)
Zoni: Yay!

Explore the Hall of Knowledge (gameplay)

(Upon entering the Hall of Knowledge.)
On-screen: Hall of Knowledge

Drophyd Commander: The Lombax has penetrated our defenses and infiltrated the Hall of Knowledge. Lock it down and rub him out before he accesses classified information!

(Upon jumping into the pool of water.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To dive underwater, press Square. While swimming, you can return to the surface by press X, or dive further by pressing Square.

(Upon swimming through the first pool of water.)
Announcer: Attention citizen, you have entered the Hall of Knowledge without authorization. Knowledge has been declared contraband by order of Emperor Tachyon. Any attempt to learn while on these premises will result in permanent confinement in Zordoom Prison.

(Upon jumping into the second large pool of water.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To swim faster, engage your Hydro Pack by holding down L1.

Announcer: Attention citizen, the knowledge in this hall is protected by traps and puzzles so deviously complex that they will fuse your neural pathway should you even attempt them. For your own safety, turn back immediately.

(While swimming in the underwater tunnel to the next room.)
Announcer: Attention citizen, you appear to be more clever than we anticipated, but the security measures on this level of the facility are far more devious than the last. Spare yourself the abject humiliation of failure and turn back now.

(TBV upon approaching the bolt crank?)
Announcer: Attention citizen, this is your final warning. The knowledge contained in this hall has been classified as a threat to the Empire. Any attempt to enter the imperial map room will result in a very painful and irreversible death.

(Upon entering the ventilation shaft.)
Drophyd Commander: He's in the ventilation shaft above the map room. We cannot allow the Lombax access to its database!

(Upon defeating all of the enemies in the map room.)
Ratchet: Great, we're trapped. So why did we come here again?

Ratchet: Clank?

Clank: Hmm. Planet Fastoon, interesting.

Ratchet: Why?

Clank: Well, according to the database it is a Lombax planet.

Ratchet: Download the coordinates. We'll take the escape pod!

Clank: Uh, but Ratchet, the database also says—...

Ratchet: Look, there's no time. Come on!


Explore the Lombax City (gameplay)

(Upon arrival.)
HelpDesk: You are now entering Fastoon. Touching down in: five, four, oops! Three two one!

(Upon approaching the swingshot target.)
On-screen: Lombax Ruins

Clank: It looks like something terrible happened here.

(Upon approaching the wrecked Aphelion.)
Ratchet: What the? Where is everyone?

Clank: I tried to tell you, Ratchet. The database said this planet was deserted ages ago!

Ratchet: Clank, you see that? It's an old ship!

Clank: Very old it would seem.

Ratchet: We have to fix her.

Clank: Ratchet, we must be practical. Tachyon will find the pod's flight codes! He will be here any minute.

Ratchet: Clank, please. I need to fix her.

Clank: Oh... very well.

Find the Lombax Ship Parts (gameplay)

(After the cutscene plays)
HelpDesk (on-screen): A Virtual Diagnostic of this spacecraft confirms six missing components necessary for intergalactic travel. Happy hunting!

HelpDesk: A virtual diagnostic of this spacecraft confirms six missing components necessary for intergalactic travel. Happy hunting!

(Upon collecting a Lombax flight component.)
On-screen: You got a Lombax Flight Component!

(Upon taking the grav-ramp path.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Congratulations! You have received an Instersteller Holo-vite from...

HelpDesk: Congratulations! You have received an instersteller holo-vite from...

(TBV, I think these are random per save or something.)
Qwark: Walter Qwarkowski!

On-screen: Walter Qwarkowski!

(Upon approaching the pool of water inside of one of the buildings.)
Ratchet: Hold your breath, Clank. Looks like we're going for a dip.

Search the Mine (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the entrance to the mine.)
On-screen: Triangle Send Clank into Raritanium Mine

Clank: Ratchet, the entrance to this raritanium mine is too small for the both of us. Perhaps I should investigate.

(Upon entering the mine.)
Zoni: Do not be afraid. We are here to help you destroy it.

Clank: Umm, destroy what?

Zoni: We have a lot to show you.

(Upon approaching the exit to the mine.)
Zoni: Triangle Return to Ratchet

(After traversing through the first door.)
On-screen: Hold L1 to slow time.

Zoni: This door poses no threat to you, sire. Bend time to your will and you shall pass.

(After passing through the second door.)
On-screen: Raritanium Mine

HelpDesk (on-screen): Select "Levitate" from the Zoni Quick Select.

Zoni: This gap is but a minor nuisance. Call us and we shall carry you across.

(Upon approaching the electric compactors.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Hold L1 to slow time.

Zoni: Remember your training, sire.

(Upon approaching the disassembled elevator.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Select "Manipulate" from the Zoni Quick Select to repair the elevator.

Zoni: We can breathe life into this structure.

(Upon approaching the large wall.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Select "Manipulate" from the Zoni Quick Select to take apart this wall.

(Upon approaching the spiked conveyor belts.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Hold L1 to slow time.

Zoni: Remember your training, sire.

The Cragmite Prophecy

Zoni: They will return!

Repair the Lombax Ship (gameplay)

(Upon collecting all of the Lombax flight components.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): According to our database, you now have all the parts necessary to restore your ship to working order.

HelpDesk: According to our database, you now have all the parts necessary to restore your ship to working order. Thanks for using Gadgetron's virtual diagnostic service. Your account will be billed within three working days.

(Upon approaching the ship after collecting the Lombax flight components.)
Ratchet: Okay, I think we have all the parts we need. Let's get to work.

Ratchet: Yes? Yes?! Yes! It's working!

Aphelion: Miserable little drophyds! I can't believe they used seeker ammo! Oh, what a bunch of cheats!

Aphelion: Oh, a Lombax! I thought I'd never see one again. Thanks for repairing me.

(While talking to Aphelion.)

  • (Upon selecting "What happened here?")
    Aphelion: Tachyon carved up the city with his army of drophyds. It was a cruel act of retaliation. If only he had known how evil the Cragmites were! Oh, if they had won the Great War, the entire universe would have fallen under their terrible rule!
  • (Upon selecting "What are Drophyds?")
    Aphelion: Unpleasant, dreadful, dreadful, dreadful little creatures from Planet Zaurik. Tachyon bought their loyalty with raritanium and recruited them for his own personal army.
  • (Upon selecting "What would Tachyon attack the Lombaxes?")
    Aphelion: I couldn't say, really. Probably to steal their technology. All his ships, his enforcers, even the nanotech combat armor he gave the drophyds are all made using stolen Lombax technology.
  • (Upon selecting "Where are the Lombaxes?")
    Aphelion: I am sorry. My memory banks seem to have been damaged in the crash. The last thing I remember was laying down suppressive fire over the Court of Azimuth.
  • (Upon selecting "Can you play this Holo-Vite we just received?")
    Aphelion: Of course! I am equipped with an HD-47 optical holo-screen. Hop in.
  • (Upon selecting "X Enter Ship", proceed to next cutscene.)

Rated M For Mature

Qwark: Mad for mayhem? Crave carnage? Adore destruction? Well, today is your lucky day! You have been invited to participate, oops, I mean witness the greatest, bloodiest, goriest battle in the universe! The Imperial Fight Festival! Rated "M" for mature.

Qwark: Come on down to Planet Mukow and enjoy a night of entertainment without any ulterior motives or deception. Offer only valid for fuzzy, long-eared orphans and their tiny robotic companions.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Clank: That sounded like Captain Qwark.

Ratchet: Which means it's probably a trap. But, it's our only lead. Let's go see what he's gotten himself into.

Voron Asteroid Belt

Battle the Space Pirates (gameplay)

(Upon entering the area.)
Romulus Slag: Ahoy there, young scallywags! This be Cap'n Slag, scourge of the galaxy! Surrender your vessel, or be cast to the depths of the universe!

(Upon taking control of the Aphelion.)

Starship Aphelion Controls
Left analog stick Pilot Starship
Right analog stick Aim Weapons
L1 Rapid-fire Lasers

(Upon attacking the first wave of ships.)
Pete: Cap'n, he's firing back! No fair!

(Upon being approached by the first large space pirate ship.)
Romulus Slag: Looks like these lads want to play. Rile a shot across their bow, Rusty Pete!

Pete: Aye aye, Cap'n! Fire in the hole!

(Shortly before approaching the asteroid belt.)
Ratchet: Hang on, Clank. We'll lose 'em in the asteroid belt!

Romulus Slag: They're headed into the Voron Asteroid Belt. Rusty Pete, set course and raise primary collision deflectors!

Pete: Aye aye, Cap'n! Collision deflectors, eh, deflected!

(While defeating enemies in the asteroid belt.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You can auto-lock onto enemy targets by pressing and holding L1. Release L1 to launch a devastating attack!

HelpDesk: You can auto-lock onto enemy targets by pressing and holding the L1 button. Release the L1 button to launch a devastating attack!

(Shortly before approaching the nanotech induction ring.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Fly through the nanotech induction rings to restore hull integrity.

HelpDesk: Fly through the nanotech induction rings to restore hull integrity.

(Upon flying into the asteroid belt again TBV this guy's name.)
Space Pirate: I don't think this one's gonna cooperate, Cap'n. Time for drastic measures!

(While flying through rings in the asteroid belt.)
Space Pirate: Crikey! I never seen a ship move this fast before, Cap'n! He's pushing eight-hundred cubits a second and ain't even broken a sweat!

Space Pirate: Looks like we got ourselves a showoff, boys! Pint a grog says I pin him first!

(While flying through the asteroids.)

Starship Aphelion Controls
L2 Barrel Roll Left
R2 Barrell Roll Right

HelpDesk: To perform a barrel roll, press either the L2 or R2 buttons.

(When a wave of space pirates appears after flying through a set of rings.)
Space Pirate: Mind the asteroids, lads!

(Before approaching the second set of nanotech induction rings)
Ratchet: Clank, hop on that turret!

(Upon being attacked by the first wave of space pirates as Clank)
Pete: Whatever cargo you be holding is the rightful property of Cap'n Slag!

(Upon regaining control of the Aphelion.)
Pete: Lombax off the starboard bow!

(While flying through the asteroids again.)
Space Pirate: Come on, lad. We don't want to hurt you. We just want to kill you and plunder your ship! (laughs)

Romulus Slag: Fall back, lads. We have a team building exercise in the Andromeda System. Let Puffy Pants Wallis take care of this swab.

(Upon flying through the third set of nanotech induction rings.)
Aphelion: I'm picking up a hostile signature ahead. It looks like a pirate demolition vessel.


Explore the Festival (gameplay)

(TBV) Qwark (communicator): Ratchet, it's Qwark. I see you managed to decode my ingenious holo-vite. I have important information for you! Come find me at the arena!

(Upon walking under the entrance archway.)
On-screen: Imperial Fight Festival

(Upon approaching the telescreen near the fountain at the start.)
Percival Tachyon (telescreen): Attention troopers! I would like to share with you a haiku I wrote last night. Ahem, the Lombax shall die, a fiery awful death, cupcakes are yummy.

(Upon approaching the Decryptor pad without owning the Decryptor.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You need a gadget that is not found on this planet.

Drophyd Commander: He's here to assassinate the Emperor! Issue a class B evac order and transport his highness to a secure sector.

Drophyd Commander: Send out a holo-scan of the creature to all drophyd teams. I want everyone on alert!

(Upon standing in the fountain at the start.)
Drophyd Commander: The Lombax is bathing in the imperial fountain. Send in available units and call the plumber to perform an emergency hairball sweep!

Trail of Turning Terror (gameplay)

(Upon collecting all of the statues and entering the Trail of Turning Terror.)
Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): Glorius, splendid! Those are some handsome statues, aren't they? Come on in, tooper, and welcome Emperor Tachyon's trail of Turning Terror! (laughs)

(After riding the Ferris wheel for a few moments.)
Drophyd Commander: Attention all units, the Lombax assassin is in the carnival area! Ready the sentries, deploy the tesla drones, shut down the teacups!

(Upon entering the second tunnel of spinning blades.)
Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): Mind the superfluous spinning blades of doom. They're superfluous, we figured out the appropriate amount of spinning blades and intentionally added more! (laughs)

(Upon obtaining the Charge Boots.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Double-tap R2 to propel yourself forward using your new Charge Boots.

Find Qwark (gameplay)

(TBV, upon approaching the other path?)
Drophyd Commander: The Lombax matching the holo-scan has just been spotted near the Imperial Fountains.

(Upon swingshotting down to the path to the arena.)
On-screen: Challenger Entrance

Drophyd Commander: We have a security breach! The Lombax has infiltrated the Imperial Fight Festival.

Drophyd Commander: The Lombax is not to be permitted near the arena. Send the holo-scan to the guards and put them on high alert!

(Upon using the jump pad.)
Ratchet (yelling): Whoo!

Qwark (communicator): I managed to procure an ingenious disguise to protect your anonyminity! You can pick it up at the arena entrance.

(Upon riding the zip line.)
Drophyd Commander: We've spotted the fugitive on the sector three power cable! We have tesladrones moving in to apprehend!

(Upon defeating the group of tesladrones after the zip line.)
Drophyd Commander: The tesladrones have been neutralized! Drophyd support team is en route.

Drophyd Commander: We lost the Lombax! All troopers remain on alert.

(Upon approaching the wall that can be passed through with the Geo-Laser without owning the Geo-Laser.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You need a gadget that is not found on this planet.

Drophyd Commander: All off-duty gladiators have been ordered to join the hunt for the Lombax menace!

(Upon crossing the bridge at the arena entrance.)
Drophyd Commander: We've spotted the Lombax on the arena thoroughfare. Activate the pyrocidic ocular defenses!

(Upon approaching the arena entrance.)
On-screen: Rogar Tournament

Qwark (communicator): All right, Ratchet. I have reconfigured the teleporter pad to auto-equip your disguise. It's the latest in nanomolecular facial reconfiguration, so you should be safe.

(Upon entering the arena.)
Qwark: Ladies and gentlemen, join me in welcoming our guest of honor! Your Cragmite overlord and my new best friend, Emperor Tachyon!

Drophyds: (growls)

Qwark: Let the battle begin!

Win the Coliseum Battles (gameplay)

(After the cutscene plays.)
Qwark: For our first challenge, our furry fighter will have to battle his way through three rounds of degenerate homicidal merciless killing machines! Are you ready? Then let's start the carnage!

Qwark: Our challenger comes to us from, eh, the Flurbian Galaxyverse. His name, uh, Mustachio, Mustachio Furioso!


  • He just can't seem to land a hit, folks. This guy must be more irritated than a one-legged droid in a butt kicking contest!
  • Mustachio enjoys hoverball, stamp collecting, and taking long walks on the beach with small robotic know-it-alls! When he grows up, he says he wants to be just like.. (coughs and gasps) Captain Qwark?! How unexpected!
  • This match has been brought to you by Qwarktastic Chewable Vitamins! Get healthy by eating once a day!

(Upon clearing the three rounds of enemies.)

Qwark: We have a new champion! Congratulations, Mustachio! You defied the odds and managed not to die!

(When Crushto appears.)
Qwark: Okay, troopers! It's time to welcome our first major contender. You know him, you love him, you flee in terror at the sight of him, it's Crushto!


  • This giant mechanical robot slash fish thingy enjoys tennis, arts and crafts, and.. sushi? Huh, who knew.
  • Oh! Lucky shot from Mustachio! Let's see what he does next!

(Upon defeating Crushto.)
On-screen: Congratulations! You won Heli-Pods!

Qwark: Congratulations! You remind me of me when I was a young fighter. Only shorter and less strapping.

Ratchet: Qwark, do you mind telling us what you're doing working for Tachyon?

Qwark: Oh, just a little thing I like to call saving the universe!

Qwark's Heroic Tale

Qwark: There I was, surrounded by Tachyon's minions, perched on the brink of certain death! Staring into the icy precipice of the inevitable, I knew I had to take action! I engaged my foes, channeling days of kung fu classes and dispatching my crouching kitten style with lethal precision.

Qwark: But alas, these rock hard pecs and unbridled machismo could only hold out for so long. After destroying two... thousand of them, a lucky shot rendered me unconscious. For the safety of the good citizens of Kerwan, I swore allegiance to Tachyon's army and became his confidant.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Ratchet: Which means you used your powers as a world-class suck up to save your own hide.

Qwark: Eh, a little of column A, a little of column B. Here, take this! It'll explain everything. Well, the optical relay is damaged but maybe you can find a ship to play it on.

Percival Tachyon (telescreen): Ingrate! Quit messing around and get over here! I have boils that require lancing.

Qwark: (cringes) Coming your excellence!

Qwark (whispers): Pray for me!

Fight for Cash Prizes (gameplay)

(I think this is misc challenges TBV.)

Return to the Aphelion (gameplay)

(Upon exiting the arena.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): This door can be opened using your newly-acquired Heli-Pods. Simply fire a Heli-Pod at the loop target to try it out.

HelpDesk: This door can be opened using your newly-acquired Heli-Pods. Simply fire a Heli-Pod at the loop target to try it out.

(Upon taking the teleporter back to the ship.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Completing arena challenges is an effective way to win bolts and prizes. Returning gladiators are always welcome!

HelpDesk: Completing arena challenges is an effective way to win bolts and prizes. Returning gladiators are always welcome!

(Upon returning to the Aphelion.)
Ratchet: All right, let's find out what Tachyon's up to.

All That and Travel Too?

Percival Tachyon: Greetings inferior beings of Polaris. Does your life lack a sense of purpose? Do you constantly worry about finding steady income? Do you like killing stuff? Then join the Imperial Army and aid me in my humble quest for galactic domination. Here you'll travel to new places, meet interesting people, and execute them in the name of me.

Qwark: Hold the phone! Did you just say I could meet interesting people?!

Percival Tachyon: Why, yes I did, celebrity hero Captain Qwark!

Qwark: That sounds terrific! Tell me more.

Percival Tachyon: It's simple, somewhere in this galaxy is the filthy Lombax secret, responsible for the Cragmite defeat! As an official Tachyon trooper, your job will be to ravage every planet until it is found! Leave no stone unturned! No rebel spared! Exterminate anyone who stands in your way!

Percival Tachyon: All for a tiny salary and competitive benefits package.

Qwark: Wow! All that and travel too?

Percival Tachyon: Indeed! Take the Nundac Asteroid Ring for example. Our spies have learned that the secret may be hidden here on this remote moon base. If you sign up by tonight, you can join in on the raid!

Qwark: Emperor Tachyon is an equal opportunity oppressor.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Clank: Hmm. Do you think this Lombax secret could be the weapon used to vaporize the Cragmites?

Ratchet: Whatever it is, we need to get to it before Tachyon does.

Nudac Asteroid Ring

Get to the Space Station (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the station transport.)
Ratchet: This must be the transport to the station, but how do we get the launch code?

Smuggler: We oughta warn you that the owner of that there station ain't accustomed to visitors.

Ratchet: And why should we trust you? You ejected us into space!

Smuggler: Apologies, my friend! Tell you what, allow us to make it up to you. Some space pirates from Ardolis have offered us bolts for leviathan souls. Why, if you were to go and fetch some for us we would happily give you the launch code.

Smuggler's parrot: Bawk! Lombax has a deathwish. Bawk!

Make a Trade with the Smuggler (gameplay)

(While talking to the Smuggler. TBV not enough souls etc.)

  • (Upon selecting "Trade Leviathan Souls for launch code")
    Smuggler: Well, thank you kindly, friend. Transporter vessel's primed and ready! You all take care now.
  • (Upon selecting "Trade Leviathan Souls for 4000 bolts each")
    Smuggler: TBV
  • (Upon selecting "Whose space station is that?")
    Smuggler: Yeah, it used to belong to an explorer named Max Apogee. Nobody's seen him in ages. Rumor is it's been taken over by two fierce war bots, bloodthirsty warriors from the days of the Great War.
  • (Upon selecting "Can you tell me more about the Great War?")
    Smuggler: (chuckles) Old Percival had the Hall of Knowledge closed down to prevent folks from learning that piece of history! But from what I been told, everything from this here asteroid to the furthest reaches of Praxus Twelve once fell under the tyrannical rule of them cragmites. Well that is, until the lombaxes led a revolt against them, freeing the galaxy.
  • (Upon selecting "What is the Lombax Secret?")
    Smuggler: Some say it's the weapon that swallowed the entire cragmite planet with a single shot. A vaporization ray, cooked up by the lombaxes when the Great War had reached a stalemate. Course, nobody really knows for sure. Oh, them lombaxes knew how to keep a secret, which is something a person in my business can appreciate.
  • (Upon selecting "What is a Cragmite?")
    Smuggler: The cragmites were the biggest threat the universe had ever seen. Vile, murderous, dimwitted creatures who moved from galaxy to galaxy, using and discarding planets after depleting all their natural resources. Heh, if you ask me, the galaxy owes the lombaxes a debt of gratitude. If only they could have taken Tachyon with 'em when they left.
  • (Upon selecting "Why does Tachyon want to kill all lombaxes?")
    Smuggler: Whatever weapon your race used to defeat the cragmites is somewhere here, in Polaris, and Tachyon wants it bad. If he found out there was a lombax left in the universe, well, that could be enough to make old Percival nervous. (chuckles) He wouldn't want history repeating itself on him, you know what I mean?
  • (Upon selecting "What's with the parrot?")
    Smuggler: Who? This little guy? Oh, yeah. I won him in a game of blargian roulette against Captain Slag. (chuckles) Almost cost me my one good eye!

(Upon approaching a cannon, where X is the name of the cannon.)
On-screen: Triangle Activate Teleport Cannon X

(Upon aiming at a cannon, where X is the name of the cannon.)
On-screen: X Teleport to Cannon X

(Upon teleporting the first time.)
Clank: (chuckles) Teleporter cannons always make my sprockets tingle.

(Upon teleporting second time.)
Clank: That was fun. Can we do it again?

(Upon teleporting through the third, fourth, fifth time TBV.)
Clank: (chuckles) Sorry, I cannot help it.

(Upon approaching the transport vessel after receiving the launch code.)
On-screen: Triangle Take Shuttle to Station

Navigate the Gravity Cube (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the transport vessel after landing at the gravity cube.)
On-screen: Triangle Take Shuttle to Asteroid Field

(Upon riding the moving platform directly in front of the transport vessel.)
On-screen: Sigma-3 Maintenance Hub

(Upon walking off the moving platform.)
Clank: It appears the transport has taken us to the primary maintenance grid. Perhaps we can find a way inside from here.

(TBV) Clank: Curious. That generator must be powering a Sigma-3 Gravity Simulator with protomorphic ionization synthesizers!

Ratchet: You are such a nerd.

(Upon approaching the elevator.)
Clank: Ratchet, I believe that is the maintenance elevator up ahead! That could be our point of entry.

(Upon riding the elevator.)
Ratchet: Oh yeah! The lombax secret is ours. Let's grab it and get out of here before Tachyon sends his armies in.

Search the Station (gameplay)

(After arriving at the top of the elevator.)
On-screen: Apogee Station

(Upon walking towards the window.)
Ratchet: Whoa, check out that terrarium.

Clank: It seems whoever constructed this station wanted an oasis as well as a fortress.

Zephyr (intercom): Attention intruder! This is Lieutenant Commander Zephyr of the Apogee Space Station. Lay down your weapons and prepare for a whopping!

(TBV) Zephyr (intercom): This is your final chance, lay down your weapons or you may receive the aforementioned whopping.

(Upon walking into the large open room with a water tank.)
Cronk (intercom): Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder... am I doing it right?

Zephyr (intercom): Stay in character you dern fool!

Cronk (intercom): All right. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(Upon clearing all the enemies from the large open room.)
Cronk (intercom): Attention young whippersnapper, this is Chief Admiral Cronk. We are activating the thermo-splitter defenses. Desist all youthful activities and return from whence you came!

(Upon jumping into the aqueduct.)
Zephyr (intercom): He's breaking into the aqueduct. Release the hydro-mine defenses!

(Upon surfacing in the oasis area.)
Zephyr (intercom): Dang it all, he's swimming in our fishing hole!

Cronk (intercom): He's probably hopped up on that rap music!

(Upon jumping out of the water.)
Cronk (intercom): Get off my lawn!

(TBV walking onto that staircase?)
Zephyr (intercom): Activating the inner-perimiter defenses!

(Upon breaking any stack of crates in the first room after entering the interior area.)
Cronk (intercom): Hey! I just stacked those you vandal!

(After walking up the staircase.)
Zephyr (intercom): This whippersnapper doesn't wanna listen! He just won't heed our warning!

Cronk (intercom): Heed, young whippersnapper. Heed!

(TBV upon approaching that second doorway.)
Clank: Ratchet, perhaps we should reason with them.

Ratchet: Sure. They promise to give me the lombax secret, I promise not to blow 'em up!

(While walking through the hallway filled with lasers.)
Clank: (chuckles) Laser grids.

Ratchet: I know. They never learn.

(After approaching the door in the laser grid room.)
Cronk (intercom): Zeph! We need those turrets back online!

Zephyr (intercom): Ten four! Rerouting primary capacitors!

(Upon walking into the next large open area.)
Cronk (intercom): We've got the little rascal right where we want him!

Zephyr (intercom): Chief Admiral Cronk, at my signal unleash heck! Um, now?

(Upon clearing all the enemies in the room.)
Cronk (intercom): We've lost our primary field generator! We're sitting ducks!

(Upon climbing to the top of the ladder.)
Ratchet: There's no way we're getting through this without at least two crates of pyrocidic nitro cells.

(Upon re-gaining control of Ratchet.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Your Geo-Laser comes equipped with a directional indicator to locate weak walls! Simply follow the signal to locate areas where this handy device will work.

HelpDesk: Your Geo-Laser comes equipped with a directional indicator to locate weak walls! Simply follow the signal to locate areas where this handy device will work.

(Upon using the Geo-Laser.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You can use your new Geo-Laser to cut through natural surfaces! Use Left analog stick to guide the laser along the weak spots before the surface cools!

HelpDesk: You can use your new Geo-Laser to cut.. TBV

(Upon using the Geo-Laser with Sixaxis controls.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Tilt your SIXAXIS™ wireless controller to guide your Geo-Laser. Quickly zap the weak spots.

X Continue

(Upon entering the room.)
Ratchet: Who did you say gave you this thing?

Clank: The Zoni! They are little invisible creatures who travel through time!

Ratchet: Oh, right.

Zephyr: There's the scoundrel!

Cronk: Pulverize him!

Zephyr and Cronk: (yells)

Zephyr: Oh, my thruster coils.

Cronk: Ow...

Talwyn Apogee: Thanks guys, I can handle it from here. Well congratulations, you win an all expense paid trip out the airlock. Hope you don't mind letting yourself out. I hate that popping sound of bodies de-compressing in space.

Zephyr: Yeah, put that lombax in his place!

Talwyn Apogee: What?!

Talwyn Apogee: (gasps) He is a lombax! Cronk, Zephyr, lower your weapons!

Zephyr: And so, our heroes explained the mysterious circumstances which brought them to Talwyn Apogee's secluded space station, their quest for the elusive lombax secret. A cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in super secret sauce!

Talwyn Apogee: (groans) That's enough, Zephyr.

Zephyr: Oh, um. Sorry miss.

Ratchet: So you're a lombax who's never seen another lombax, doesn't know where they are, or what their secret is. That's so...

Clank: Ironic?

Talwyn Apogee: I take it he's the smart one.

Clank: Miss Apogee, is there any reason why Tachyon would think you have a lombax weapon?

Talwyn Apogee: Well, this is my father's base. Max Apogee?

Cronk: Max Apogee was a famous—...

Talwyn Apogee: Is a famous!

Cronk: Yeah, uh, um, right. Is a famous explorer and collector of rare, interstellar antiquities. The most notable of which was a lombax artifact.

Clank: Where is the artifact now?

Talwyn Apogee: Pirates raided the station years ago, this is the only thing they took. My father went after them, but never came back.

Clank: Hmm. I recall that smuggler mentioning pirates on Ardolis.

Talwyn Apogee: Ardolis... Cronk, Zephyr, get the ship ready!

Talwyn Apogee: Lock up on your way out, okay?

(After the cutscene plays.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, I'm sending you the coordinates to Ardolis. Sorry if I seemed rude back at the station, I haven't gotten out much since my father vanished. I'll see you soon.

(Upon stepping on the teleporter in the same room.)
On-screen: Triangle Return to Asteroid Field

(Upon taking the elevator back to the Aphelion.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired for Planet Ardolis.

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired for Planet Ardolis.


Infiltrate the Pirate Hideout (gameplay)

Space Pirate: Fresh lombax! Just what I be hungry for.

(One of those pirates at the beginning TBV)
Space Pirate: Watch where you're swinging that thing, overstep me bloody head off? TBV

(Upon approaching the grind rail near the start.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): A Heli-Pod can raise that grind rail. Equip the Heli-Pod Gadget using the Quick Select and then fire it at the target.

HelpDesk: A Heli-Pod can raise that grind rail. Equip the Heli-Pod gadget using the Quick Select and then fire it at the target.

Space Pirate: Captain's real keen on returning to IRIS real soon. That lass is right for plundering! Copper wiring, dry ice for the thermaflux tanks, few ion modulators, she'll be nothing but scrap come next Thursday!

Space Pirates: (laughs)

(Upon obtaining the Armor Magnetizer.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): You have acquired the Armor Magnetizer! This useful device ionizes your armor to attract bolts from increased distances!

HelpDesk: You have acquired the Armor Magnetizer! This useful device ionizes your armor to attract bolts from increased distances!

Find the Treasure Room (gameplay)

(Upon taking the path towards the treasure room.)
Space Pirate: Blast theirs at the ready, lads!

(Upon using the Geo-Laser to break down the wall.)
On-screen: Sarrdollow Caves

Space Pirate: Captain's got word that a lombax may have landed in vicinity. Bounties up to twenty quid and a new rotator socket!

(Upon approaching the lone space pirate near a set of bridges.)
Space Pirate: This be pirate territory!

(Upon using a plasma beast against any of the pirates? TBV)
Space Pirate: Watch out! He's got a ??? plasma beast!

(After using the Geo-Laster to destroy the stalactite TBV.)
Space Pirates and Pete (singing): streaming_dialogue.us.dat_00008.wav TBV

(Upon using the Geo-Laser to knock down the wall where the pirates are.)
Space Pirate: What the.. intruder!

Space Pirate: Blast that mangy scoundrel!

(Upon encountering the swab for the first time.)
Clank: Be careful, Ratchet! That enemy is electrified! We need to keep a safe distance.

(Upon walking outside.)
Space Pirate: ??? to the death, me hearties!

(Shortly before taking the elevator to the treasure room.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, I've keyed into your nav-unit. You're close to the treasure room, but you'll need to find a way inside. Slag's crew is already on to us.

(Upon taking the zipline to the treasure room.)
Ratchet: We found it!

Clank: But, what is it?

Romulus Slag and Pete (singing): Me hearties sing chanties of girls in loose panties. Who linger by the shore! For six pence I'll love her—...

Ratchet: Quick, hide!

Romulus Slag and Pete (singing): Then ditch that land lubber, a pirate ever more!

Romulus Slag: (laughs) Arr, what be that foul smell?

Pete: Aye, that oyster chili be disagreein' with me something fierce!

Romulus Slag: No, there be a yet fouler smell, one I not be smellin' for nigh six-hundred moons!

Pete: Oh, fresh trousers?

Romulus Slag: (sniffs) Lombax. Roust the lads, Rusty Pete. Tonight our foes taste the cat's tail!

Talwyn Apogee: (whistles) Hey, rust bucket, catch!

Romulus Slag: Arr! Skewer that saucy wench!

Pete: Aye, Cap'n! Skewerin'!

Romulus Slag: Arr! Me wee cannon balls!

Catch up to Talwyn (gameplay)

(Upon gaining control of Ratchet.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, come in. I've got the artifact. Cronk and Zephyr are landing the ship at the Skull Radio Tower. I'll meet you there.

Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention ye worthless swine! A lombax and his girlfriend just stole our treasure! Snap to and bring me their heads!

(TBV before you enter the bar area.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): I just arrived at the radio tower. Looks like they're using it to send phony distress calls to unsuspecting ships.

(TBV in the bar area.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention ye worthless swine! This be your captain speakin'. The mangy furball and his friends have yet to be apprehended. Catch the thieving scoundrel or face the edge of me blade!

(After taking the elevator up from the bar.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, come in. We're waiting for you on the loading dock outside the tower. Meet us there as soon as you can!

(While riding the barge to the radio tower.)
Pete: Welcome to Rusty Pete's pirate tour. Please keep your hooks and pegs inside the barge at all times. To your left, we have the famous Black Star Memorial Radio Tower. Constructed from a terious pillage, eh, borrowed, from the Kerchu, this tower boasts a fully functioning radio show. To your right, Mt. McGuffin. named after our former leader Captain Julius McGuffin of the Andromeda System. This conludes our tour of Ardolis. Please walk the plank and have a wonderful day.

(Upon approaching the radio tower.)
On-screen: Pirate Radio HQ

(Upon entering the radio tower and being assailed by the Rogue.)
Rogue: You're a long way from Fastoon, lombax. But don't worry, we'll be sendin' you home in a nice pine box!

(Upon exiting the radio tower in the back.)
Cronk: I'm telling ya, all it needs is a couple a new batteries!

Zephyr: Oh, oh what do you know about lombax technology? My mother was half lombax! Yeah, we used to make these whatchamagizmos out of paper mache!

Cronk: Hah! I happen to be a renowned expert in lombax history and this do-wa-hicky is a zombie death beam emitter that'll wipe out all life in the galaxy!

Zephyr: Then why you trying to put batteries in it, you darn fool!

Talwyn Apogee: Guys! Just give me two seconds to think. (sighs)

Ratchet: Having trouble?

Talwyn Apogee: Okay, genius. You figure it out.

Cronk: No! It's the zombie death beam!

Clank: It appears to be a map.

Talwyn Apogee: Wait a second. It's Rykan V! That must be where the secret is hidden! I'll send the coordinates to your ship, meet us there as soon as you can!

(After the cutscene plays.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired for Rykan V.

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired for Rykan V.

Rakar Star Cluster

(Upon starting the level.)
Ratchet: Clank, hop on that turret!

Romulus Slag: Avast, ye mangy bilge rat! This be Captain Slag, scourge of the galaxy and runner-up in the Susie Sweets Homemade Butterscotch competition! Return our artifact or face the gallows!

Aphelion: They are scanning our cargo. You didn't steal from them, did you?

(After gaining control of the Aphelion.)
Romulus Slag: ??? stealing from me, lad! Now prepare to suffer the consequences!

Pete: Return our treasure, or face the gallows! If you no longer have our treasure, we will accept grog as a substitute!

(Upon taking out the first harvester.)
Space Pirate: He's taking out our harvesters, Cap'n!

(Upon taking out the second harvester.)
Space Pirate: The rat just claimed another harvester, Cap'n!

(Shortly before flying through the last set of nanotech induction rings)
Romulus Slag: Break off, me hearties. We're late for yoga class at Sargasso Sam's meditation station! Fall back and let Iron Crotch Caruso take care of this rat.

Rykan V

Breach the Security Barrier (gameplay)

(Upon getting to the planet.)
Zephyr: Uh oh! We're picking up multiple hostiles in the spaceport. (laughs) You rookies got the stones for a HALO jump?

Clank: I do not understand. What are stones? Do I have them?

Ratchet: I'll tell you later, and no.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, will you please take care of Cronk and Zephyr? It's been a long time since they've seen real combat. Just try to look out for them, okay?

(TBV before clearing out the first wave maybe.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, I've pinpointed the coordinates from the holo-map. The location we're looking for is ahead of you just past a spaceport, but be careful, Tachyon's got the port surrounded.

(As Cronk prepares to plant the bomb.)
Cronk: I'm making a run for it! Watch my six!

(After clearing out a few more enemies.)
Zephyr: Confound it, Cronk! Tell me you didn't forget to set the dern thermite fuse!

Cronk: I forgot the who and the what now?

Zephyr: What good is all that storage space if you can't remember a dern thing?! Gah. Out of my way, I'm coming through!

(After Zephyr activates the thermite fuse.)
Zephyr: Thermite fuse activated, take cover!

(Three seconds before detonation.)
Zephyr: Detonation in three, two, one!

(After detonation.)
Cronk: Phew wee! Aha! I haven't seen an explosion that pretty since the Philax Intrusion at the Eighth Parallel! Come on, let's head into the city!

Defeat the Imperial Forces (gameplay)

(Upon entering the next area.)
Cronk: Look alive! We got incoming enemy forces!

Zephyr: We have more ships trying to flank us! Dig in and take them out!

(TBV, there's a Tachyon telescreen but I dunno when the triggers are or whatever.)

Percival Tachyon (Telescreen)
  • Attention troopers! Join me in congratulating our newest recruit, Private Qwark of the Solana Galaxy. Private Qwark has completed his training and eaten the required amount of mucus-filled groth slugs necessary for induction. His... expertise should prove most useful in the renegade lombax's capture.
  • Attention Drophyds, the lombax menace must not reach the secret! It is imperative that he be stopped before he ruins everything!

(While clearing out the waves of enemies.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Watch out, guys! There's a huge battalion of troops headed straight for you! Take cover anywhere you can!

(TBV, Cronk and Zephyr have some banter between themselves if you stay near them during combat, couldn't really hear it during the longplay.)

(After clearing out another wave of enemies.)
Cronk: Phew wee! I haven't seen shooting like that since... since... since the Arachnid Squabble on Praxus Seven! C'mon, let's head to the spaceport.

Zephyr: Looks like Tachyon's taken over the spaceport defenses! We gotta take 'em out!

Destroy the Artillery Turrets (gameplay)

(Upon destroying two of the four artillery turrets)
Zephyr: Keep goin', we're almost through!

(Upon destroying all of the artillery turrets.)
Cronk: Phew wee! I haven't seen action like that since... since... actually I don't remember ever seeing action like that. C'mon, let's get into the spaceport!

(Upon taking the elevator to the spaceport.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, come in. There's too much anti-spacecraft fire to land a ship anywhere near you. I'll try to find the location we're looking for from the air.

On-screen: Rykan V Spaceport

Buy a Gyro-Cycle (gameplay)

(Upon talking to the smuggler.)
Smuggler: Well hey there, friend! You picked a dangerous time to be visiting Rykan V. Old Percival has shut down the spaceport until he gets his paws on the lombax secret.

  • (Upon selecting "I need to explore the lava refineries. Can you help a lombax out?")
    Smuggler: Well I suppose you could use this here Gyro-Cycle. Of course, a businessman such as myself couldn't part with it without some sort of.. monetary compensation.
    • Buy the Gyro-cycle for 500 bolts?
    • (Upon selecting "Yes, please!", exit the dialogue options.)
      Smuggler: Now, careful with this thing. The lombax I bought it from modified it with a terathruster. (chuckles) Oh, lombaxes. Can't leave nothin' the way it is, right?
    • (Upon selecting "No Thanks", exit the dialogue options.)
      Smuggler: TBV
  • (Upon selecting "Do you know what these holo-plans are for?")
    Smuggler: Well I'll be. Son, this here is part of a highly classified weapons schematic! Tell you what, you bring me the full holo-plan and I'll build you the weapon. Provided you let me keep the plans, of course.
  • (TBV Upon selecting "Submit holo-plans to the Smuggler")
    Smuggler: Well, looks like this series was discontinued by Gadgetron for being too dangerous. Hmm, I'm beginning to like this weapon already!
  • (Upon selecting "Submit holo-plans to the Smuggler" without having the full holo-plan)
    Smuggler: Sorry, son. I need the full holo-plan.
  • (Upon selecting "Any Leviathan Souls around here?")
    Smuggler: 'Fraid not, hoss. Suppose you can thank the drophyds for scarin' 'em all away. But if you ever find yourself on Sargasso, I may have some work for ya.
  • (Upon selecting "Lombax? What Lombax??")
    Smuggler: Oh, some old pilot I met way out in the Vorox Nebula years ago. The Emperor had shot his ship down after attacking Fastoon, and.. hey! Come to think of it, you look a bit like him! Oh, it's a small universe, ain't it?
  • (Upon selecting "Do you have anything else?")
    Smuggler: Well, tell you what, hoss. Why don't you take this here synthenoid free of charge? I already have one pest hoverin' over my shoulder.

(Upon talking to the smuggler again, return to the above dialogue options.)
Smuggler: Oh, back so soon? Well I'm afraid I don't have any work for ya, friend.

Travel the Lava Tube Network (gameplay)

(Upon entering the lava refineries.)
Announcer: Attention, citizen. You have unlawfully entered the Rykan V lava refineries. Alerting drophyd detention squad.

On-screen: Lava Refineries


Gyro-cycle Controls
Left analog stick Roll
Hold X Burst of Speed

(Upon rolling through the first hypergate.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Rolling through hypergates will give you an instant speed burst!

HelpDesk: Rolling through hypergates will give you an instant speed burst!

(While being launched to the next sector of the lava refineries.)
Drophyd Commander: Alert the Emperor! The lombax is entering the lava refineries using a modified Gyro-cycle. Move in fast and shoot on sight!

(After reaching a larger room after a small gauntlet.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, the coordinates point to one of the rock islands in sector four. There's a strange heat signature coming from there. Way too cool to be sitting in the middle of a lava pit. I can't believe it! The lombax secret is real! I'll see you there.

(Upon meeting up with Talwyn.)
Talwyn Apogee: This is where the coordinates lead. Looks like an old bunker.

Ratchet: What do these symbols mean?

Talwyn Apogee: Can't read lombax either, huh?

Talwyn Apogee: Sorry, it says, "In this room a secret born, to quell the angry cragmite storm. You've travelled far, but to be clear, without a tail your quest ends here."

TBV bunker voice: Welcome back, lombax. I hope your long journey has been rewarding.

Talwyn Apogee: What? You've got to be kidding me! We come all this way and there's nothing here!

Zephyr: Oh, oh! Looky here, it's one of those ancient holo-vid players! (laughs) We used to watch old episodes of Lance and Janice on those dern things. Haha!

Center for Advanced Lombax Research

Narrator (narrating): Congratulations Soldier! The Center for Advanced Lombax Research has selected you as the beta tester for the most important invention in lombax history: the Dimensionator. Built by eight of the brightest minds in lombax history, the Dimensionator's ergonomic design is the culmination of nearly three Arcturian cycles of research. Now, with your help, we will finally end the Cragmite's long reign of terror.

Narrator (narrating): But before you begin, it is vital you observe the following safety guidelines. If you are pregnant, have a heart condition, or are allergic to inter-dimensional travel, please consult a physician before using the Dimensionator. Should you be inadvertently warped to the dimension of the Zanifarian Death Weasels, remain calm and access the pepper spray, located in your beta test kit. In the unlikely event that the Dimensionator creates a time-space singularity and tears the fabric of the universe asunder, please log an A bug and notify a programmer immediately.

Narrator (narrating): Following this orientation, please report to our testing facility on Planet Sargasso for live training and deployment. Good luck and farewell from the Center for Advanced Lombax Research.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Ratchet: The weapon used to vaporize the cragmites was a hat. Oh, come on. There's no way a lombax would invent something that ridiculous.

Clank: Oh, really? What about your nuclear powered rocket sled? Your anti-matter bathroom buddy? And let us not forget about the electro shock undergarments you invented last fall.

Ratchet: Stunderwear! Huge seller on Umbris.

Talwyn Apogee: Guys, you're missing the key word here: interdimensional. There's more to this than we thought! Come on, we need to check out that testing ground on Sargasso.

(After the cutscene plays.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired for Planet Sargasso.

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired for Planet Sargasso.

Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Hey, Ratchet! I'm gonna do a few repairs on Cronk and Zephyr. Then I'll meet you on Planet Sargasso. The good news is Tachyon's forces don't know about Sargasso. The bad news is, well, let's just say there may be a few bigger problems to deal with.


Explore Sargasso (gameplay)

(On approaching the smuggler.)
Smuggler: Oh, hey there friend! You know it looks like these here launch pads are outta go juice. You know what I'm saying? This Decryptor can get 'em going again but I couldn't part with it unless..

Ratchet: Let me guess. We find some more leviathan souls?

(While talking to the Smuggler.)

  • (Upon selecting "Trade 3 Leviathan Souls for the Decryptor?")
    Smuggler: Here's your Decryptor. But if anyone asks, you didn't get it from me, ya hear?
  • (TBV, put in misc maybe Upon selecting "Submit holo-plans to the Smuggler")
    Smuggler: An omni-directional transmogrification conductor! Now, you don't use one of those unless you're looking to manipulate dark matter. Son, what did you stumble across?
  • (Upon selecting "What are you doing here?")
    Smuggler: Well, don't tell no one, but we're trafficking fossormites for the Kerchu. They use 'em to scare the tumfoids away from the gel plants.
  • (Upon selecting "Kerchu? What's that?")
    Smuggler: Next to the Cragmites, the kerchu are the most unpleasant race in the history of the galaxy. They're great at building things, but they'll kill any outsider who wanders onto their turf. Well, except for yours truly, of course.
  • (Upon selecting "Where did they come from?")
    Smuggler: Planet Jasindu, in the Praxus Sector. I wouldn't go there if I were you, though. There is no being in the universe who isn't fiercely allergic to the kerchu. You don't wanna end up like that Apogee fella!
  • (Upon selecting "Max Apogee? What happened to him?")
    Smuggler: Well, the last I saw of him, he was burning gel toward Kerchu City. I followed him thinking I could unload some primer cables, but he just up and vanished.
  • (Upon selecting "Got any more work for us?")
    Smuggler: That's all for now, friend. But here's a little something extra for your troubles.
  • (Upon selecting "Trade all your Leviathan Souls for 8000 bolts each" without having any souls)
    Smuggler: Son, why are you wasting my time?

(Upon selecting "Trade all your Leviathan Souls for 8000 bolts each")

  • Well I'll be! These souls are rare! See if you can find some more, I'll pay you extra!
  • Ooh. (chuckles) You done real good, friend. Now there are more out there, you go make us rich!

(After a few minutes.)
Talwyn Apogee (communicator): Ratchet, it's Tal. We just landed, but it might take us a while to get through the swamp. I'll radio you as soon as we get close. Good luck!

Trade Souls for the Decryptor (gameplay)

(Upon being damaged by one of the leviathans tbv)
Zephyr (communicator): Careful around the wildlife, rookie! I lost my rotator socket to one of those ??? of sixty-four!

Search from the Sky (gameplay)

(Upon using the Decryptor for the first time TBV Sixaxis.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): To hack the lock, use Left analog stick to slide the bridge connector across circuit gaps. The lock will open when the energy spark completes its circuit path. If the spark hits an open gap, the lock will reset.

HelpDesk: TBV

(Upon taking off with the Robo-Wings.)
Zoni: We can guide you, sire.

(Upon successfully landing at the Kerchu Outpost.)
Zoni: Yay!

Investigate the Kerchu Outpost (gameplay)

(Upon entering the outpost.)
On-screen: Kerchu Gelatonium Outpost

(Upon acquiring the Alpha Disruptor.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Hold Circle to charge up the Alpha Disruptor, then release Circle to fire.

HelpDesk: Congratulations! You have acquired the Alpha Disruptor, the first nano-weapon constructed in the Center for Advanced Lombax Research. Hold down the fire button to charge, then let go to release a galactic can of whoop-ass!

(Upon walking back out of the building.)
Clank: Hmm! It seems the bolt crank activated the bridge! I do so enjoy technology. (chuckles)

(Upon entering the room after the Decryptor puzzle.)
Ratchet: Come on, it's right this way!

Ratchet: (screams)

Clank: Oh, dear!

Plumber: Oh, it's you two! Almost didn't recognize you in high def! (chuckles)

Plumber: Oh, you're just in time! I'm about to try out my revolutionary, high speed, intraplanetary transportation gizmo! (laughs) Oh, I take it you was expecting something else. Something capable of vaporizing an entire planet of whatchamacallits?

Ratchet: Cragmites.

Plumber: Well I hate to burst your bubble, but it don't exist.

Ratchet: Eh, what?

Plumber: Friend, I been everywhere in this universe and beyond! Believe me, there's no device like that. That don't mean what you're looking for ain't there.

Plumber: Say, do you happen to need a three and three quarters cubit hexagonal washer? I seem to have a spare. Here you go, just in case. (chuckles) Well, good luck friends! (yells)

Ratchet: What just happened?

Clank: Hmm. I am starting to wonder if the Cragmites were ever vaporized at all. Perhaps they were just moved.

Qwark (communicator): Ratchet, Clank! Where have you two been?! I need you at the arena, chop chop! I think I may have found another C, L, E, U, W, four?

Ratchet: (sighs)

(After the cutscene plays.)
On-screen: Lombax Testing Facility

(While not returning to the ship.)
Clank: Ratchet, we should go back to the Fights Festival! Captain Qwark may have vital information about the Dimensionator!

Mukow (revisit)

Return to the Fight Festival (gameplay)

(Upon gaining control of Ratchet.)
Drophyd Commander: The lombax assassin has returned! All units comb the festival grounds!

(Upon approaching the arena entrance.)
On-screen: Magnetum Tournament

(TBV Upon starting the challenge.)
Qwark: ??? watching our noble gladiator fighting in miserable odds for eternal glory ???

(TBV Upon destroying the final wave of enemies.)
Qwark: We have a winner! If my ?? calls, tell him I'm out of town!

(When Zorthan the Irritable appears.)
Qwark: It's time for our next major contender of the evening! It's a giant, menacing, energy creature of some sort!

(TBV Qwark says some other crap here but...)

(Upon defeating Zorthan.)
On-screen: Congratulations! You won a Holo-Pirate Disguise!

Qwark: Outstanding work, strangers I've never met! And now, the fruits of your labor! One Holo-Pirate Disguise, perfect for parties and undercover misadventures! And for the little guy, a copy of my new exercise book, Body by Qwark! Now you too can have the calves of a champion!

Ratchet: Did you call us here for a reason, or are you just trying to get us killed?

Qwark: Can't it be both?

Ratchet: (growls)

Qwark: (chuckles) I'm just kidding. Here, I found this in Tachyon's underwear drawer. I thought it was.. I thought it might be a clue!

The Awesomeness of IRIS

Narrator (narrating): It's time for another installment of The Polaris Compendium of Historical Importantness! In this chapter, we will explore the galactic awesomeness that is IRIS, the largest supercomputer in Polaris history! This mysterious behemoth is said to have an IQ of three billion! That would mean one-hundred seventy terachnoid sages, or three billion holo-net fan boys!

Narrator (narrating): Built by an unknown race eons ago, IRIS once served as the ultimate search engine for the universe. Now it resides deep within pirate territory, sealed off from the public. Its only master, the duplicitous Captain Slag! This has been another depressing installment of The Polaris Compendium of Historical Importantness!

(After the cutscene plays.)
Ratchet: Hmm. Maybe IRIS knows where the Dimensionator is. Let's go!

Qwark: Take me with you! I can't do this undercover thing anymore! I'm not a super hero, I'm just a hero! How am I supposed to survive without some kind of endorsement deal, huh?!

Ratchet: Whoa, okay. Take it easy big guy. Maybe you can be a superhero, you just need to stop being so self-absorbed and whiney.

Qwark: You're right, this is not the time for vanity. It's the time to show the universe how amazingly awesome I am! I'm sorry, Ratchet. I hope you never have to endure the pressure of saving an entire galaxy. Wish me luck!

(Upon leaving the arena.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired for The IRIS Supercomputer.

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired for The IRIS Supercomputer.

(Upon taking the tazi back to the ship? TBV)
Drophyd Commander: Divert all military spacecraft to the makazian space station in sector nine. All civilian vessels are to evac immiedietly!

Kreeli Comet

Infiltrate the Pirate Camp (gameplay)

(Upon landing.)
Clank: Those pirate ships are blocking our path to IRIS. We must find a way to sneak through!

(Upon approaching the group of pirates surrounding a campfire.)
Space Pirate: Now there's no way a lombax could ever sneak by me. I know how they think, mate. I'm a certified lombax whisperer. Just like that guy on the holo-vid program, who can speak to the phosomites and such. Except, uh, more attractive, of course.

Clank: Hmm. Perhaps it is time to try out our new Holo-Pirate disguise!

(Upon doing a pirate jig for the first time. TBV Sixaxis)
On-screen: To do a pirate jig, follow the moves of the back up dancers. Press left, right, or up with Left analog stick to dance. Move Left analog stick back and forth quickly to shake your booty.

X Continue

(Upon attacking one of those pirates near both campsites? TBV)
Space Pirate: Watch where you swing that thing! Almost took me bloody head off!

(Upon entering the large room after the first pirate doorkeeper.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention! Tis hoverbike season again and our first match against the drophyds is in a fortnight. If ye be interested, sign up at the meeting hall. Those of you with peg legs need not apply.

(Upon riding the grind rail off the top of the first pirate ship.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Will Rusty Pete please report to the armory? I need me cannon balls buffed to a high shine.

(Upon approaching the second group of pirates surrounding a campfire.)
Space Pirate: So in flies the Phoenix, this ginormous ship with twin plasma cannons and auto-lock ion turrets. 'Ol Salty and I were out of our gourds thinking we were set for the noose! When out steps this curvy, young, poppet who declares herself a captain! I swear, I ain't never seen no one as beautiful as that Sasha. Aye, she had me at "You're under arrest".

(Upon ledge grabbing onto the second ship.)
Space Pirates and Pete (singing): This wench from Ardolis once got drunk and told us a life of crime don't pay! But killin', car'ousin, stealin', and rough housin' fill coffers every day! (laughs)

Space Pirate: Everyday! Wohoo.

(Upon walking on the grav-ramp on the side of the second ship.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention, lads! Use of the IRIS Supercomputer is restricted to educational purposes only. Do not download games, music, or... alternative cinema without me approval.

(Upon going down the holo-plan path? TBV)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention, lads! This is a friendly reminder that trillium ore is toxic and not to be taken orally. On second thought, it's best not to take it at all!

(Upon being assailed by the Rogue on the third ship.)
Rogue: Avast, ye rat! Nobody sees the IRIS without getting past Seamus McSoggybritches! Let's dance!

The Battle for the IRIS (gameplay)

(Upon entering the pirate camp.)
On-screen: Pirate Base Camp

(Upon walking to the open area past the vendor.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Lads, this be your captain speakin'. Be on the lookout for one mangy lombax in a cheap holo-pirate disguise. I don't care if its dead or alive, so long as it ain't breathing! (laughs)

Clank: I do not think the disguise will fool them this time, Ratchet!

(After defeating the Rogue.)
Ratchet: There goes our way across!

Clank: There must be another way around!

(After walking near the vendor before entering the cave.)
Space Pirates and Pete (singing): Ninety-eight bottles of grog in me tum, ninety-eight bottles of grog! I'll have just one more and I'll chuck on the floor, ninety-eight bottles of grog in me tum! (laughing and yelling)

(Upon entering the cave.)
Romulus Slag (intercom): Attention, lads. Tonight's entertainment has been brought to you by the letter "R". Sorry, I couldn't resist.

(Upon entering the IRIS)
On-screen: IRIS Supercomputer

(Upon approaching the screen.)
Ratchet: So, this is the IRIS supercomputer. How do you turn this thing on?

Ratchet: It appears to have been damaged by space pirates. Perhaps I can repair its CPU.

(Upon approaching the IRIS.)
On-screen: Triangle Send Clank into the IRIS

Repair the IRIS (gameplay)

(Upon walking forward as Clank.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Hold L1 to slow time.

Zoni: Remember your training, sire.

(Upon approaching the two nodes TBV without Zoni.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Select "Charge Up" from the Zoni Quick Select to power these nodes.

Zoni: Use our energy to open this door.

(Upon approaching the CPU.)
Clank: Hmm. A fractured vector shell. Perhaps there is a way to repair it.

A Vision of Talwyn

Zoni: She will perish in Zordoom.

(After the cutscene plays.)
IRIS: Hello, Ratchet. I have been expecting you.

Ratchet: What can you tell me about the Dimensionator?

IRIS: The Dimensionator - created by the lombax achitects of Breegus Minor, its creation marked the turning point in the Great War.

Ratchet: So how does it work?

IRIS: Existence is divided into infinite dimensions. The Dimensionator opens a portal to these worlds. The lombaxes constructed the device in order to exile the cragmites.

Ratchet: Then how did Tachyon survive?

IRIS: Percival Tachyon - discovered by lombax trillium miners eons after the war, frozen in an egg on this very planet and raised on Fastoon.

Ratchet: Wait, Tachyon was raised by lombaxes?

IRIS: Affirmative. But when he learned of his true origins, he set out to bring back the cragmites.

Ratchet: So where's the Dimensionator now?

IRIS: An explorer named Max Apogee relocated it to Kerchu City. Power cells functioning at eight percent capacity... eight percent capacity.

Ratchet: No, wait! Where did the lombaxes go? Why did they leave me behind?!

IRIS: Thank you for visiting IRIS. Please do not forget to validate.

Ratchet: We need to get to Kerchu City. If we can get our hands on the Dimensionator-...

Clank: A wormhole device is too dangerous for anyone to possess! Now please, the Zoni say Talwyn is in trouble. We need to get to Zordoom!

Ratchet: You know, Clank. Just once, I wish you'd listen to your real friends instead of your imaginary ones.

(After the cutscene plays.)
HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired to Zordoom Prison.

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired to Zordoom Prison.

IRIS optional dialogue (gameplay)

(Upon approaching IRIS again.)
On-screen: Triangle Speak to the IRIS

(While talking to the IRIS.)

  • (Upon selecting "Where did the Lombaxes banish the Cragmites to?")
    IRIS: The Cragmites have been locked away in Dimension X2-49, marooned on a dying star approximately eight point two million kilucubits away from the nearest life form. Current mood: angry and bored.
  • (Upon selecting "Where did the Lombaxes go?")
    IRIS: I'm sorry. That data has been deleted from my memory banks.
  • (Upon selecting "Can you tell me about Max Apogee?")
    IRIS: Max Apogee. Famed explorer of the Polaris Galaxy. Discovered the Dimensionator using a lombax artifact eight cycles ago and relocated it when the map was stolen by space pirates. Current status: missing.
  • (Upon selecting "Where do the Space Pirates come from?")
    IRIS: Captain Slag and his crew were engineered by Tachyon when he was just a child. Their purpose was to scavenge materials to be used for the drophyd's nanotech combat armor. When the Emperor completed his army, he abandoned the pirates on Praxus Seven.
  • (Upon selecting "Where did Cronk and Zephyr meet?")
    IRIS: Lietenant Commanders Cronk and Zephyr were stationed together at the Zenith Outpost in Meridian City during the Phylax Intrusion. Since then they have fought together in nineteen galactic wars, three interstellar battles, one planetary misunderstanding and a lunar argument.
  • (Upon selecting "Where do Grummels come from?")
    IRIS: The grummels are interstellar gypsies, copies of the last remaining grummel in the universe. When his planet was destroyed, he sought to replenish his race and ended up cloning them into stupidity. They now work for GrummelNet, the largest vendor emporium in the galaxy.
  • (Upon selecting "What is happening on Kerwan?")
    IRIS: Tachyon's army left Kerwan after combing the city for the Dimensionator. Metropolis is currently under reconstruction and its citizens are stuck watching holovid reruns of "Big Al's Bot Wars".
  • (Upon selecting "What is Captain Qwark's full name?")
    IRIS: Captain Qwark's full name is Copernicus Leslie Qwark.
  • (Upon selecting "Which character from the Ratchet & Clank® universe once auditioned for Galactic Idol?")
    IRIS: Dr. Nefarious auditioned for the show with his ear splitting rendition of "Crushin' on Squishies" but was eliminated in the first round. His debut album, which sold only one copy, is now used to torture prisoners at the Masteze Penal Colony on Planet Ebaro.
  • (Upon selecting "What is the last number in pi?")
    IRIS: Six.
  • (Upon selecting "If a tree falls down and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?")
    IRIS: Yes.
  • (Upon selecting "Name one of Qwark's aliases")
    IRIS: Captain Qwark's last known alias is Steve McQwark. He has also been known as Stefan Qwarkanopolous, Finnegan O'Qwarksalot, Walter Qwarkowski, Herschel Qwarkenstein, John Quincy Qwark, Lucius Von Qwark, and Shirley Bigguns.
  • (Upon selecting "According to Big Al, what kind of hardware does Clank run on?")
    IRIS: Standard XP-88 Sisterboards, version 7.66.
  • (Upon selecting "Which character from the Ratchet & Clank® universe is represented only by a set of eyes?")
    IRIS: Slim Cognito, inmate #829 C at Zordoom Prison. Arrested for exposing his Class B Grav-Cannon cannon to a group of female tumfoids during a rock concert in Meridian City.
  • (Upon selecting "What is the name of Clank's evil clone?")
    IRIS: Klunk.
  • (Upon selecting "How long does the Blargian Snagglebeast's allergy to Mutant Swamp Flies last?")
    IRIS: Two turns.
  • (Upon selecting "Name the two Dreadzone Broadcasters")
    IRIS: Dallas and Juanita.
  • (Upon selecting "Name Dr. Nefarious's accomplice")
    IRIS: Lawrence.
  • (Upon selecting "What planet is Skrunch from?")
    IRIS: Skrunch is from the jungles of Florana, and attended the Kerwan School of Quantum Mechanics in Metropolis.


(Upon arrival.)
Clank: Ratchet, please understand. The Dimensionator must be destroyed!

Ratchet: Why? Because your imaginary friends told you so?

Qwark: Ratchet? Clank? Did I call at a bad time?

Ratchet: No, your timing was perfect, Qwark. Did you get the holographic schematics of Zordoom we asked for?

Qwark: No need for holographs, Ratchet. I happen to be a skilled schematic artist, trained at the prestigious Kerwan Learning Annex! Behold!

Operation Death Wish

Qwark: Zordoom Prison, a dangerous dungeon of dastardly denizens, death and destruction. A deadly den of devious desperados damaged by decades of uh. Let's just say they're criminals. To infiltrate this fortified fortress of fear, our agents codenamed "Dead Meat" will make his way along the grind rail of certain death, traverse the walkway of tortured souls, and ascend the grav-ramp into the mouth of the jolly jackal!

Qwark: While I direct the operation from my townhouse of solitude, our agent will jump down the elevator shaft to the lair of eternal sorrow. It is here he will be confronted by an army of Tachyon troopers, a battalion of embattled bandits, and an entire school of zombie ninja panda bears! Good luck Dead Meat! May you die a glorious hero's death!

Grind the Rails to the Prison (gameplay)

(Upon taking control of Ratchet again.)
Qwark (communicator): Strong Jaw to Dead Meat, come in! Operation 'Death Wish' is a go!


  • Inmate number 260-G, Vorselon, Flint....
  • Will a maintenance droid please...
  • Will a maintenence droid please report to skydock grindrail....
  • Attention, ?? the north grav-ramp
  • Maintenance droid to security outpost G
  • Mechanic to the loading docks
  • Inmate number 394-K Konagle Crow?
  • Will the paramedic report to cafeteria

(Might be during the grind rail segment.)

  • As a reminder to all inmates, anyone caught mocking Emperor Tachyon's
  • Attention terraklons,
  • Inmate number 829-C, Cognito, Slim,
  • Inmate number 510-D, Hardlight, Ace,
  • Attention inmates, anyone caught smuggling GrummelNet contraband..
  • Will a maintenance droid sector eight
  • This is a reminder that there is a lockdown

(Upon walking towards the first grind rail.)
Qwark (communicator): Just ahead of you is the grind rail of certain death! You'll need to use this in order to reach the skydock!

(After grinding for a few moments.)
Qwark (communicator): Very good, Dead Meat! With my guidance and your fortutity you just might make it out of here alive!

(After jumping off the grind rail.)
Qwark (communicator): Okay, so there are no tortured souls! But be careful of those spotlights! They activate Zordoom's impenetrable defense system!

(Upon running into a spotlight.)
Announcer: Attention all personnel, we have a security breach in sector one. Repeat, security breach in sector one.

(After jumping over the gap before the grav-ramp.)
Qwark (communicator): Okay, you should be at the grav-ramp. What's the point of these things, anyway? Hasn't anyone ever heard of stairs?!

(While traversing the grav-ramp.)
Qwark (communicator): I'm picking up multiple enemies in your sector, Dead Meat. Whatever you do, do not.. oop. Hold on, call waiting.

(After walking off the grav-ramp.)
Qwark (communicator): You made it? I mean, you made it! Now head inside and use your Decryptor thingamajig to hack the bridge!

Jailbreak (gameplay)

(TBV when this mission starts.)
(Upon walking through the doorway after the grav-ramp.)
On-screen: Sector 2 Cell Block

Drophyd Commander: The renegade lombax has infiltrated the prison! Mobilize all units!

Announcer: Attention all inmates, the Empire has officially suspended all parole hearings until the lombax threat has been neutralized. Additionally, pardons will no longer be offered to inmates of lombax descent.

Announcer: Wardon McSquiggly, please report to the green visitor's gate, you took your wife's keys to work.

(While walking through the corridor before the elevator shaft.)
Drophyd Commander: He's heading towards the C-3 elevator. Engage the laser grids!

(Upon approaching the elevator shaft.)
Qwark (communicator): Here it is, Dead Meat. The entry point of the main cell block! Once you've hacked the elevator controls, you'll be able to hurl yourself down this dark elevator shaft!

Announcer: This is a reminder that the omniburst laser defense grid will experience downtime while we perform scheduled maintenance. We apologize for any inconvenience.

(Upon jumping down the elevator shaft.)
Qwark (communicator): Should be smooth sailing from here.

(Upon dodging the first set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): Yep, like taking candy from a baby.

(Upon dodging the second set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): It's almost too easy!

(Upon dodging the third set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): Like a walk in the park!

(Upon dodging the fourth set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): Whoops! That was a toughie.

(Upon dodging the fifth set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): Wow! They're not messing around.

(Upon dodging the sixth set of lasers.)
Qwark (communicator): Tuck your ears in!

(After landing at the bottom of the elevator shaft.)
On-screen: Sector 11 Cell Block

Drophyd Commander: Lock down all cell blocks, the fugitive is attempting to rescue prisoner 979-B, Apogee, Talwyn.

(Upon approaching Talwyn's cell.)
Qwark (communicator): Congratulations, Dead Meat! You couldn't have done it without me. Now just hack into the prison mainframe to recall Miss Apogee's cell!

(Upon freeing Talwyn.)
Talwyn Apogee: Wow, a jailbreak. You sure know how to impress a girl.

Ratchet: Are you kiddin'? We used to do this all the time back on Kerwan.

Clank: We did?

Talwyn Apogee: Wait, how did you even know we were here?

Talwyn Apogee: Nevermind. Come on, we have to free Cronk and Zephyr.

Escape from Zordoom (gameplay)

Verdigris Black Hole

Escape from Slag's Clutches (gameplay)


Defeat the Kerchu Guardian (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the location the kerchu guardian is or something.)
Ratchet: Keep your eyes peeled, Clank. It's gotta be here somewhere.

Ratchet: Huh? Thought I heard something.

Clank: Um, Ratchet?

(Upon defeating the kerchu guardian.)
Clank: That kerchu must have been protecting the device.

Ratchet: Look at this thing. I've never seen anything like it.

Clank: Um, Ratchet?

Ratchet: This is incredible!

Ratchet: Ratchet, I think they followed us.

Romulus Slag: Avast, young scallywag. I see ye have something that belongs to me. Now be a good lad and hand it over.

Ratchet: Yeah? Why don't you try to take it, grog-breath?

Romulus Slag: You wouldn't begrudge an old pirate his booty, would ye? That'd make old Pete here a bit twitchy with the blade.

Pete: Aye, Cap'n! Say the word and it's the locker for our friend!

Romulus Slag: Try to follow us and I'll gut ye bow to stern! Gentlemen.

(After the cutscene plays.)
Clank: Ratchet, I just received a transmission from Aphelion. She has tracked Slag's trajectory to a fleet hidden in the Ublik Passage.

HelpDesk (on-screen): Coordinates acquired to the Ublik Passage

HelpDesk: Coordinates acquired for the Ublik Passage

Ublik Passage

Infiltrate Slag's Fleet (gameplay)

Defeat Captain Slag (gameplay)

(Upon approaching Slag's ship or something.)
Romulus Slag and Pete (singing): This wench from Ardolis once got drunk and told us a life of crime don't pay! But killin', car'ousin, stealin', and rough housin' fill coffers every day!

Romulus Slag: (laughs)

Ratchet: Give it back, Slag.

Romulus Slag: Ye picked the wrong spot for a fight, me boy. Perhaps a floggin' will teach you to meddle in the affairs of corsairs!

Pete: That's a good one, Cap'n! You made a rhyme! (laughs)

Romulus Slag: Shut up, Pete!

Pete: Aye aye, Cap'n. Shuttin' up.

Romulus Slag: Ready the bilge and step aside, the rats dine on lombax tonight! (laughs)

(Upon defeating Slag.)
Romulus Slag: Aye, oh, the end be near! Oh. 'Tis beatiful, Pete! A bright light at the end of me dark tunnel! Oh, wenches! As far as the eye can see, each with a pint of grog and a smile for old Slag. Fair thee well, cruel galaxy! Fair thee well.

Pete: Cap'n? Cap'n?! No!

Pete (screaming): Why?! Why?!

Pete: I suppose now that you're our new cap'n you'll be needing one of those gimmicky pirate names. "The Dread Pirate Ratchet", perhaps?

Ratchet: Whoa. I'm your new captain?

Pete: Aye. 'Tis the code, sir.

Ratchet: Uh, thanks, but I'd rather have the Dimensionator.

Clank: Ratchet, we cannot allow it to be used even once. It is too dangerous.

Ratchet: I see. No way the lombaxes could've invented something useful.

Clank: It is not logical to use this device, knowing the threat it poses!

Ratchet: What threat? You know, ever since the rocket sled, you've been nothing but a giant pain in my-... (yells)

Ratchet: Qwark! What are you doing here?!

Qwark: Showing the universe that I'm a superhero! I'm also fighting the mother of all wedgies, but mostly the superhero thing.

Ratchet: Qwark, put down the Dimensionator.

Qwark: I shall now emblazon my name in the annals of galactic history by hurling this infernal contraption into a black hole!

Pete: Don't worry, Cap'n. That vessel will set course for the nearest available planet.

Ratchet: Which planet is that?

Pete: The Cragmite homeworld, Cap'n. Grog?


Search the Cragmite Homeworld (gameplay)

(Upon arrival.)
Aphelion: The pod's homing beacon terminated three kilocubits north of this location, but there is no area suitable for landing.

Ratchet: Well, looks like we'll have to do this the hard way. Cronk, Zephyr, prepare for a HALO jump.

Cronk: (chuckles) Ten-four, rookie. Lead the way!

Secure the Area (gameplay)

Deactivate the Forcefields (gameplay)

Infiltrate the Cragmite Base (gameplay)

(Upon approaching Tachyon or something.)
Percival Tachyon: (laughs) How fitting. The prince of the Cragmites and the son of the lombaxes on the very ground their ancestors last fought! How do you like my planet, lombax? It's been dormant for years, thanks to your kind!

Qwark: I love the ruins! Feng shui meets drab and dismal, I dig it!

Percival Tachyon: Silence, you halfwit! I will deal with your deceitfulness later.

Percival Tachyon: I have waited years for this moment. Finally the time has come for the Cragmites to rise again! Ahem, to rise again!

Percival Tachyon (screaming): To rise again!!

Percival Tachyon: The horrors committed by your race during the Great War shall finally be reversed! Dimensionator, find the Cragmites!

Ratchet: Whoa!

Percival Tachyon: (laughs)

Cragmite: (roars)

Clank: Ratchet! Ratchet, please! Wake up!

Clank: (yells)

Search for Ratchet (gameplay)

He Will Need You on Fastoon

Zoni: He will need you on Fastoon.

Escape the Cragmite Caves (gameplay)

(Upon waking up as Ratchet.)
Ratchet: Ow, oh.

Ratchet: C'mon Clank. Let's get back to the surface. Clank? Clank!

(After completing the level or something.)
Zephyr: Will you hold still! I'm trying to reattach your dern head!

Cronk: Yeah, well, it got blown off protecting your rusty bolts from that Craggymite slayer!

Zephyr: My bolts aren't rusty! They just haven't been used in a while!

Talwyn: (gasps) Ratchet! Are you okay?

Ratchet: No. He's gone. Clank's gone.

Talwyn: (gasps)

Ratchet: Why didn't I just listen to him? He was right. He's always right. I should have destroyed that thing when I had the chance.

Clank: Hello Ratchet.

Ratchet: Clank!

Clank: I am glad you are okay.

Ratchet: Yeah, me too. I mean, you too.

Clank: I hate to interrupt, but my sensors indicate a Cragmite armada rapidly approaching Meridian City.

Talwyn Apogee: That's the capital! Ratchet, you need to get there and help suppress the invasion. I'll meet up with you as soon as we repair Cronk.


Save Meridian City (gameplay)

(Upon arrival.)
Ratchet: Aphelion, what's the situation on Meridian City?

Aphelion: Partly cloudy, seventy-two degrees. A perfect day for krull fishing.

Ratchet: I meant the invasion.

Aphelion: Oh! In that case, over a quarter of the city has been decimated by Cragmite dropships. They will not last long without support.

Ratchet: It's on the way!

Rescue Qwark (gameplay)

Rescue Qwark - Part 2 (gameplay)

(Upon approaching the supply closet or whatever it is.)
Qwark: (whimpering)

Qwark: (yells)

Ratchet: You all right, Qwark?

Qwark: That guy is so off my top eight!

Ratchet: We need to stop Tachyon before he opens up any more portals. Where did he go?

Qwark: Who knows? Who cares?! I don't deserve these rock hard abs. These chiseled features. These impeccable glutes and bulbous buttocks! I'm no superhero. I am Captain Qwark no more! (cries)

Ratchet: Get a hold of yourself, Qwark!

Clank: Ratchet, I believe Tachyon is heading to Fastoon.

Ratchet: What? How do you know?

Clank: The Zoni told me?

Ratchet: Then Fastoon it is.

Qwark: Smashing idea! I'll stay here and coordinate the relief effort.

Return to the Aphelion (gameplay)

(After the cutscene plays.)
Ratchet: Clank, send a transmission to Cronk. Tell him we'll need support on Fastoon.

Clank: Transmitting now.

Fastoon (revisit)

Return to Fastoon (gameplay)

(Upon arrival.)
Aphelion: Warning! Warning! Tachyon's fighters have locked on to our position! I'm not sure we can shake them!

Clank: If you jettison the excess cargo, you could increase your spee—...

Ratchet: Uh. No, no, that won't be necessar—... (screams)

Destroy the Magma-Cannons (gameplay)

Cover Talwyn (gameplay)

(Upon approaching some building I guess.)
Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): (laughs) Welcome home, my furry friend! The last time I saw lombaxes on Fastoon, they were running with their tails between their legs!

Ratchet: The lombaxes raised you! How could you do this to them?!

Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): Those filthy creatures had the gall to pity me! I spent years building an army large enough to lay waste to this infernal planet!

Ratchet: What did you do to them?!

Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): If it's answers you seek, meet me in the Court of Azimuth! (laughs)

Percival Tachyon (loudspeaker): Oh, son of a! Hold on. Oof, okay! Here we go!

Ratchet: I'll take the grav-ramp, you find out where that door leads!

Enter the Court of Azimuth (gameplay)

Find Tachyon (gameplay)

(Upon entering the Court of Azimuth.)
Percival Tachyon: With their city decimated by my enforcers, your race took refuge behind these walls. They believed if they left this dimension, I would leave Polaris unscathed. (chuckles)

Ratchet: You're lying! lombaxes don't run.

Percival Tachyon: Is that so? Dimensionator, find the lombaxes!

Percival Tachyon: Cowards! All of them! Only two stayed behind, the keeper of the Dimensionator and his infant son! I took great pleasure in destroying your father, lombax. Pity he sent you to Solana before we could meet. I offer you this one chance. Go home, join your race or stay and suffer.

Ratchet: If I leave you with the Dimensionator, no one will be safe. Not the lombaxes, not my friends. I'm not going anywhere until it's destroyed.

Percival Tachyon: Typical lombax. So noble, so courageous, and so very dead!

(After taking out a small portion of Tachyon's health.)
Percival Tachyon: What's this? No! No! Work you infernal machine! (screams)

Ratchet: Huh, you were right. Wormhole devices are dangerous.

Ratchet: What? Oh, come on, it's not like one of those holo-films where you think the guy's dead and suddenly—... (screams)

Percival Tachyon: No! What have you done?! You've ruined everything!

Ratchet: We are so screwed.

(Upon defeating Tachyon.)
Percival Tachyon: (screams) Oof.

Percival Tachyon: (growls) You can't kill me, lombax. Only I know your true purpose in this galaxy! Only I know your true name! The Cragmite return is inevitable. Your kind will never be safe! Do you hear me?! Never!

Ratchet: It's broken! Look's like something snapped off the primary reflux coil!

Clank: I believe it is missing a three and three quarters centicubit hexagonal washer!

Ratchet: Dimensionator, find home!

Clank: Ratchet, are you all right?

Ratchet: Uh, where... where are we?

Clank: We are home, Ratchet.

(Scene shifts to the Apogee Space Station.)
Qwark: Arr! Arr! Arr!

Pete: No no no no no no! You got it all wrong, mate! Try it again, this time from the throat!

Qwark: Arr!

Pete: Honestly, how did you ever become the captain of anything?! Once more, and this time add an inappropriate slur.

Qwark: Arr you saucy wench!

Pete: I'm gonna need more grog.

Cronk: I am Tachyon! Crown prince of the Craggy-mites! Fear me and, eh, whatnot for I will rule the universe!

Zephyr: (laughs) Die Cragmite fiend! (laughs)

Talwyn Apogee: Will you two be careful? Cronk's head is a microcubit away from popping off!

Ratchet: Do you think he was telling the truth, Clank? About my father? About my purpose?

Clank: I detected no lie in his voice, but I believe your purpose has already been filled. You vanquished Tachyon, something even the lombaxes could not do.

Ratchet: Thanks, Clank.

Cronk: Don't look at me. You said it was broken!

Zoni: We needed to make sure you survived. Now it's time to come home.

Ratchet: Whoa. Uh, Clank, are these the Zoni?

Zoni: The time has come, sire, to learn who you are, and who you will become.

Ratchet: Let him go!

Zoni: It is time to understand your purpose. It is time to come with us.

Clank: Yes, time to come with you.

Ratchet: Clank!



Weapons and Gadgets



Weapon on-screen text


Tools of Production

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