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Captain Copernicus Leslie Qwark[]
Captain Qwark is a renowned and beloved hero throughout the Solana galaxy and beyond. He is the founder and president of the Qwark Cadets fan club, and is the author of his most hyperbolic and adoring fan mail.
Tesladrones[]
Tesladrones were one of Tachyon's first experiments in automated robotic intelligence. The original models, however, were better at sweeping laboratory floors than instilling planet-wide fear and oppression. Tachyon's early attempts at conquering the galaxy with Tesladrones were thwarted when an entire battalion of them was short-circuited by a GrummelNet Super-Squirter water pistol. But Tachyon worked tirelessly on his creations, improving their seeking algorithms and adding higher voltage shock capacitors, until these drones became a feared part of the imperial army.
Drophyd Sentry[]
Drophyd Sentries are the melee combat ground infantry of the imperial army. A single Drophyd controls a walking battle suit from within a liquid filled glass bubble. The Drophyds, being fishlike creatures from Planet Zaurik, have frequently complained that the battle suit's controls are too difficult to maneuver with their flippers. Emperor Tachyon, however, insists that the controls are perfectly good after a few months practice and any embarrassing involuntary actions or accidental deaths are merely the result of operator error.
Drophyd Trooper[]
Drophyd Troopers are the general infantry of the imperial army. A single Drophyd controls a heavily armed walking battle suit from within a liquid filled glass bubble. Vocal Magnifluxicator technology amplifies and deepens the Drophyd voices to give them the commanding sound of imperial authority.
Enforcer[]
Featuring hydraulic suspension, all-terrain four-leg drive, and Troglosaur leather interior this luxury model combat mech is the pinnacle of imperial technology. The spacious cockpit comfortably seats one Drophyd, and a new ergonomically engineered dashboard offers easy-to-use controls for the dual six-cannon Obliter-Turrets. Be the first Drophyd on your block to get inside an Enforcer and oppress the galaxy n style!
Tachyon Transport Ship[]
The Tachyon Transport ship achieves vertical take off and landing via Tachyon's patented anti-matter grav-cushion engines. When Tachyon discovered that anti-matter grav-cushions had been patented seven centuries earlier by Strombert Von Hassenfeld III, he demolished the galactic patent office and rewrote the patent in his own name. This Transport Ship offers comfortable seating for up to eight Drophyd Sentries, uncomfortable seating for up to nineteen, and agonizingly painful and socially awkward seating for up to forty-three.
Tachyon Gunship[]
One fearless Drophyd warrior sits at the helm of this twin laser cannon, aerodynamic imperial hovercraft. The new intuitive and fool-proof control system lets a Drophyd operate the vehicle with only a single pressure sensitive button. Vary the pressure on the button to select between: left turn, right turn, fire laser cannons, and self-destruct.
Cerullean Centipede[]
The Cerullean Centipede is a highly venomous creature found in remote parts of the Cerullean sector. This creature is thought to be a distant relative of the powerful Basilisk Leviathan, and some even claim that there were once giant space traveling forms of this centipede throughout the sector. They believe the centipedes devolved over time into a smaller subspecies that no longer had the ability to perform interstellar travel. This theory is supported by the similarity in protein structure between the venom of Basilisk Leviathans and Cerullean centipedes.
Basilisk Leviathan[]
The Basilisk Leviathan is one of the most dangerous and fiercely territorial of all Leviathan creatures in Polaris. The Basilisk Leviathan breeds in outer space, and will sometimes fly millions of kilocubits before making a home on a planet. Once a Basilisk Leviathan has settled on a planet, it will kill and eat any creature or robot who sees it. For this reason, residents of Basilisk Leviathan infested planets tend to keep their eyes closed whenever they are outside. All Leviathan creatures in Polaris possess a concentrated and powerful form of quantum energy that is only released when the creature dies. Some black market traders have come to refer to this energy as the Leviathan's "soul" due to the very strange and powerful properties of the energy.
Grummels[]
The Grummels are interstellar gypsies, cloned from the last remaining Grummel in the universe. When the original Grummel Planet was destroyed by Supreme Executive Chairman Drek, Grummel One cloned himself a new race. He then used them to staff GrummelNet, the largest vendor emporium in the galaxy.
Smuggler[]
Despite Emperor Tachyon's tight grip on Polaris, The Smuggler has somehow managed to evade capture at every turn. Not much is known about him that hasn't been dismissed as rumor and conjecture. Some say he was born in the basement of Zordoom Prison; others claim he hails from the Shadow Sector. One thing is for certain: He's well connected, and knows a lot more than he lets on.
Tumfoids[]
Tumfoids are small robotic pests that breed on any planet with sufficiently advanced gelatonium refining technology. Tumfoids frequently disrupt gelatonium plants and disable gel mining equipment in their enthusiastic attempts to eat the refined gelatonium produced there. The origin of the species is not thoroughly understood, but some believe the Tumfoids are a divergent evolutionary branch of the ancient robotic Zen masters of Fiorelli IX in the Verdigris Sector.
Drophyd Defender[]
The Drophyd Defenders wield projectile-resistant fiber-armor shields that make them impervious to most forms of attack. Explosive and electric weaponry are known to be effective, however, as are Groovitrons. Few dare to use the latter strategy simply because the Drophyd Defenders are notoriously for their lack of rhythm.
Drophyd Cyclocannon[]
Manufactured by GrummelNet, the Drophyd Cyclocannon is perfect for the Drophyd who has an insatiable urge to obliterate every other form of life, or who simply needs to compensate for certain personal inadequacies. Boasting two giant, star cruiser-crushing titanium alloy wheels, and one 270 caliber hypersonic iridium fission cannon, this vehicle is guaranteed to stop a Lombax dead in his tracks with a single shot. DISCLAIMER: This advertisement copy is purely theoretical. GrummelNet has never tested the Cyclocannon on an actual Lombax and will not be held responsible for the consequences of any such attempt.
Sky Jellies[]
Sky Jellies breed in the ionosphere of Stratus City, high above planet Kortog. The Sky Jellies are revered by the Kortog population for their beauty as well as their mathematically improbably memory capacity. Sky Jellies, in those rare cases when they can be bred in captivity, are able to reliably store and recall hundreds of petabits of data. Their memory capacity and speed of recall so greatly outstrips the most modern supercomputers that Sky Jellies have been used exclusively as the storage medium for the Hall of Knowledge. This proved to be an especially wise choice as the Sky Jellies are entirely impervious to electronic hacking, which ultimately prevented Emperor Tachyon from obtaining certain clues about the Lombax Race that he otherwise might have discovered.
Nanophytes[]
When the Lombaxes moved out, the Nanophytes moved in. Once the primary food source of the Grunthors, Nanophytes left the swamp for Fastoon as soon as they heard there was a vacancy. They regard anyone visiting the home of the Lombaxes as a potential invader, and will protect their new planet with all their might.
Zoni[]
Despite the existence of cryptic records in the IRIS Supercomputer and Stratus City's Hall of Knowledge, very few in the galaxy believe that there is such a thing as "Zoni". Those who do believe in them have widely varying explanations for who or what they are. Some say they are hyper-advanced transdimensional robotic beings who created the IRIS Supercomputer eons ago. Others claim the Zoni are a lost spiritual link with an omnipotent being called Vruul who lives inside the Grimzonite Sector Black Hole. Whatever the Zoni are, if they exist at all, their motives and methods remain inscrutable to the rest of the galaxy.
Aphelion[]
The Aphelion was one of the 102nd Lombax airborne division during the fight against Tachyon's imperial troops. Her former pilot was one of the best fliers in the all the Lombax fleet. The Aphelion secretly believes that Ratchet may be an even more skilled pilot than her previous owner, but she will never say so out of respect for her fallen comrade.
Fighter[]
The first generation of attack ships engineered by Tachyon, these basic vessels were "liberated" by Slag and his crew for their own personal use. They've been upgraded with isokinetic plasma thrusters to give unsuspecting space travelers a run for their booty.
Brigantine[]
The Brigantine ship is the space pirates' preferred vessel for interstellar travel, pillaging raids and inebriated line dancing. The Brigantine can hold up to 115 Buccaneers and Corsairs, and has often been used to prey upon unsuspecting space convoys and even the occasional imperial freighter.
Snatcher[]
These attack vessels are modified with nova-proof collapsable shields and reinforced alloy hulls to protect itself from engaging swine.
Asteroid Crusher[]
This pirate demolition vessel flies ahead of the fleet, clearing away asteroids and space debris to make way for its crew.
Hug-Me-Tight Nanny Bot[]
Contrary to popular belief, this deadly robotic combatant was not created by Tachyon himself. The "Hug-Me-Tight Nanny Bot" was originally created by Grummel Net as a convenient and affordable children's toy and automated babysitter. Unfortunately, the Nanny Bot's strict sense of discipline resulted in an expensive class-action suit that was ultimately settled when GrummelNet turned over their entire stock of Nanny Bots to Percival Tachyon. GrummelNet's public relations department has since worked overtime to convince the public that these robots were actually Tachyon's own invention.
Terraklons[]
Terraklons are the oldest race in the galaxy, predating even the Cragmites. They once ruled every planet in Polaris, until one day Grand King Terillius Hume lost the entire galaxy in a single hand of poker to an unnamed Lombax Ambassador. The Lombaxes gave each planet back to its own people, an act that sent the Terraklons fleeing shamefully to the corners of the galaxy. Since then, they have dwindled to an endangered species of gypsies, transients, and guns-for-hire.
Argonoids[]
During the final days of the Phylax Intrusion, a desperate and understaffed Imperial Army recruited mercenaries from the Planet Argon to help them defeat their invaders. The Argonoids thwarted the attack, but surprised their employers by refusing to return home, instead opting to crash on their couches, where they refused to pay rent or chip in for utilities. It has been hypothesized that the mysterious Planet Argon was too dirty to return to, hence the freeloading. When Tachyon came into power, his second act as Emperor (after outlawing Lombaxes) was to round up the Argonoids and ship them off to Zordoom Prison.
Paladrones[]
For thousands of generations, the Paladrones have been raised and enslaved within the walls of the Masteze Penal Colony on Planet Ebaro. It is said that their race was captured and brainwashed by the Ebarians, although the reason why has been lost thanks to their captors' lack of short-term memory. The Ebarians now sell the enslaved Paladrones at interstellar auction houses to be used as hired muscle, arena fighters, or Grunthor fodder.
Detonoids[]
Originally designed by the Kerchu to deforest parts of Jasindu, Detonoids were employed by Tachyon to ferret fleeing Lombaxes from the caves of Fastoon. They each carry a pyrocidic charge coupled with an old-fashioned powder keg to ensure proper detonation.
Crushto[]
Discovered by a Zorpathian fisherman in the murky waters of Praxus 7, Crushto is thought to be the last remaining mutant bluggerfish in existence. His unusual size and titanium extremities earned him high marks within the Shadow Sector's underground fight club circuit, until one day Emperor Tachyon ordered the execution of his owner for making eye contact. Since then, Crushto has been honing his skills at the Imperial Fight Festival while attending night classes in hospitality management.
Thermosplitters[]
The Thermosplitter is not a licensed or documented device of any known galactic robot vendors. The only reported sightings of this contraption have come from scavengers who tried and failed to break into an isolated space station in the Nundac Asteroid belt. It seems that the devices may have been designed and created by the owner of the station.
Fusion Turret[]
Fusion Turrets were a popular form of home defense a decade ago. GrummelNet was the most popular vendor, but almost every munitions vendor in the galaxy sold some version of a Fusion Turret. The turrets became less popular as techniques to avoid their shots or disable them entirely were posted on the holo-net.
Cronk[]
Cronk rolled off the assembly line during the days of the Great War. A first-generation war bot designed to fight off the Cragmite threat, Cronk was stationed at the Upsilon Outpost on Planet Viceron prior to the construction of Zordoom Prison. It would not be until nearly fifty years later when he would meet Zephyr during the perilous Phylax Intrusion. From there they would go on to fight in nineteen galactic wars, three interstellar battles, one planetary misunderstanding and a lunar argument.
Zephyr[]
Zephyr was part of the second generation of war bots assembled to combat the Cragmites during the days of the Great War. Although cheaper to produce and easier to use, his design was considered flawed and discontinued immediately following several CPU meltdowns. Despite three formal objections, Zephyr was removed from the front line and stationed behind at the Zenith Outpost in Meridian City, where he would later meet Cronk. When the two retired, it was Zephyr who convinced his buddy to take a post with him at the Apogee Space Station.
Talwyn Apogee[]
Talwyn Apogee grew up in a secluded and heavily armed space fortress in the Nundac Asteroid Ring. Her father, famed explorer Max Apogee, was probably the last person in the galaxy to have seen the Lombaxes before they disappeared. Max Apogee was a known enemy of emperor Tachyon, and Max's wife Miriam was killed years ago by Tachyon's troops in an attempt on Max's life. Max took his newborn daughter and fled to the Nundac Asteroid Ring where he built a fortress to protect her. When Max disappeared a few years later, his daughter Talwyn was raised by Max's loyal war bots "Cronk and Zephyr". The bots trained her in robotic repair and construction, as well as martial arts, advanced weapons combat, and water ballet. Although no one in the galaxy has seen him since he disappeared, Talwyn still believes she will one day find her father.
Buccaneer[]
Buccaneer's are proud crewman serving under the infamous Captain Slag. The space pirates were all created years ago by Percival Tachyon when the emperor was still in his youth. The pirates used to plunder the skies for Tachyon, but when he got older he abandoned them in favor of his grander galactic designs. To this day the Buccaneers still wrestle with abandonment issues and take out their aggressions on any wayward spacecraft that enters their territory.
Corsair[]
Captain Slag's Corsairs have been declared the smartest and fastest shooting of all the robotic space pirates in the known universe. This was once put to the test when a crew of robotic space pirates from the Greater Norblik galaxy joined up with ghost robot pirates from the Solana galaxy and challenged Slag's Corsairs to a three-way team deathmatch. While the record shows that Slag's Corsairs won the match in a route, a complaint was later filed on the holo-net indicating that "Slagz Corsairs iz teh H4XZORS!!1!1", leaving the question of superior pirate marksmanship in some measure uncertain.
Thwogs[]
Thwogs are the ferocious flesh-eating bats of planet Ardolis. Slag's crew likes to hide their booty in the caves of Ardolis, knowing that the Thwogs will keep intruders away.
Swab[]
The Swabs were still under construction when Percival Tachyon abandoned the pirates. As a result, the Swab is somewhat misshapen and his electrical circuitry is constantly going haywire. The other pirates are ashamed of him and often force him to hide in treasure chests where they never have to see him. Citizens of the galaxy have been repeatedly warned to never open pirate treasure chests for this very reason. The Swab's malfunctioning circuitry makes him extremely dangerous to touch, while also making him virtually impervious to electric-based weaponry.
Rogue[]
The Rogue is the fiercest and most dangerous of all the robotic pirates Percival Tachyon ever created. It was also the last one he created before he finally abandoned his pirate creations entirely. Of all the many kinds of robot space pirates, the Rogue took this abandonment most personally and as a result it tends to be the most hostile and aggressive.
Phylatropes[]
Phylatropes are a rare species of air dwelling fish who are distant cousins of the marine living manta rays of the aquatic planets in the Kellsinore system. Phylatropes are neither herbivores nor carnivores, but rather gain their energy using a form of photosynthesis on solar radiation. Phylatropes were once found throughout the Cerullean sector, but they have been hunted to near extinction. They are said to still be common on Planet Ardolis as the pirate population protects them and believes they bring good luck.
Class 3 Fighter[]
Sigma Six Collision Deflectors and an added hypertank cooling system give this vessel an extra boost in combat.
Solar Harvester[]
With gelatonium sales restricted by the empire, Captain Slag sought a cheaper form of energy to keep his fleet spaceworthy. He began employing the use of Solar Harvesters, experimental energy sappers that feed on the hyrdrogen in stars.
Grave Robber[]
Constructed to defend Slag's Fleet from Imperial Attack Squads, the Grave Robber boasts multiple S-Class turrets and a near-impenetrable trillium hull.
Elite Drophyd Sentry[]
These Drophyd Sentries are fitted with fionantium alloy pincer claws and duraplate armor shielding.
Elite Drophyd Defender[]
The Elite Drophyd Defenders are more highly trained and better armored than the general defenders. It should be noted that a single battalion of Elite Drophyd Defenders quelled the Gelatonium Riots on Pytharios IV without losing a single Drophyd.
Class 5 Tachyon Gunship[]
This is a higher-end version of the popular imperial deathcraft. She-Drophyds will go wild when they see you oppressing the locals in this flashy new model!
Giga Class Cyclocannon[]
The Giga Class Cyclocannon was created by a special request from emperor Tachyon. The Giga Class offers liquid-hydrogen-cooled fiber-armor shielding and high density plutonium ore missiles. GrummelNet sincerely apologizes to any galactic citizens inconvenienced or oppressed by this vehicle.
Quasar Class Tachyon Transport[]
The Quasar Class Tachyon Transport offers all the advantages and luxuries of the standard transport vessel, but also has the additional benefit that a Courtney Gears Greatest Hits disc is not permanently jammed in the stereo, repeating endlessly until all occupants of the vehicle beat each other to death with their seat cushions.
Anthropods[]
Anthropods are a large species of burrowing beetle found only in the swamplands of Planet Sargasso. Like almost all life forms on planet Sargasso, the anthropods are extremely deadly and should be avoided whenever possible. Unfortunately, since the anthropods live underground, avoiding them is nearly impossible if you set foot on Sargasso soil. A single bite of the anthropod can often be fatal without protective body wear, but what makes this species even more deadly is that they attack very suddenly and in large groups. A group of picnickers from Meridien City were once attacked by over 75 Anthropods and only survived because their egg salad sandwiches had gone bad, poisoning the whole anthropod hive.
Grubsnucker[]
The Sargasso Grubsnucker is one of the nastiest and most vicious of all species of giant wasps in the Polaris Galaxy. Not only is it's venom highly toxic, but it has the ability to spit it at its prey up to 30 cubits away. The Grubsnucker is believed to exist only on the remote, uninhabited planet of Sargasso.
Grunthors[]
Grunthors are one of the particularly large and extremely nasty oversized reptiles that live on Planet Sargasso. Grunthors are reported to have very nasty tempers and an extremely deadly bite. Dozens of tourists are eaten every year when they wander too close to a Grunthor's territory while on the Sargasso Safari planetary tour.
Kerchu Pyroguard[]
The Kerchu Pyroguard is one of the most impressive marvels of engineering in the Polaris Galaxy. The Kerchu are surpassed only by the Lombax race in terms of their engineering brilliance, and this hydrogen-ion-fueled magna-plate mechanized walking armor with twin pyrocidic nitro jets is just one example of their technical prowess. Thought to have originally been designed as a factory welding suit, the Pyroguard has become the Kerchu's most effective tool in planetary border control.
Kerchu Roller[]
The Kerchu Roller is an astounding and little understood piece of engineering. GrummelNet once tried to hire the armor designer of this rolling spiky contraption, but the GrummelNet envoy was repelled from the planet in a suffocating fit of sneezes before he was able to finish a sentence. The only organic species in the galaxy who are apparently unallergic to the Kerchu are the Lombax race. However, for reasons neither race has ever disclosed, the Kerchu have a fierce hatred of the Lombaxes far beyond their already intense hatred of everything in the galaxy that it not a Kerchu.
Troglasaur[]
The Troglasaur is one of the very few species on Planet Sargasso that is not likely to kill you within your first 15 seconds on the planet. Its diet consists strictly of plant matter, and it is generally passive or even friendly to other species. If you happen to see one, however, be mindful of its feet. Its 80 kiloton mass make every step a potentially deadly hazard. While taking a picture with a Troglasaur, an entire platoon of vacationing Drophyd Troopers was once crushed to death when one of them accidentally dropped a groovitron.
Plumber[]
Inter-galactic holo-net databases have no records of this person.
Terraklons Masters[]
Each Terraklon Gang picks the most experienced in its group; one whose experience, strength, and courage surpasses the others. Whoever kills him gets to be Master.
Argonoid Captain[]
Per Argonoid law, one can only be promoted to Captain after destroying 300 enemies in battle. For this reason, they are heavily favored by bookies at the Imperial Fight Festival.
Paladrone Champion[]
The highest class in the Paladrone army, Paladrone Champions are seasoned fighters on the verge of liberation, thanks to a contract Tachyon signed with the Ebarians. Per Interstellar Agreement Article 4A Paragraph C of Subset A: Any Paladrone sold to the Imperial Fight Festival shall be returned to Ebaro upon the successful destruction of 400 gladiators, at which time said Paladrone shall serve as a General in the Ebarian army until his/her death.
"Zorthan the Irritable" (also known as "Energy Creature Thingy")[]
Zorthan Quincy Prendergast was once a high-ranking officer in the Cragmite army, until an experiment in antimatter weaponry transformed him into a creature made of pure darkstar energy. Unwilling to cope with his new form, his wife left him for a Cragmite Phalanx stationed in Sargasso; an act that turned Zorthan into the most notoriously irritable creature in the Polaris Galaxy. Things that irritate Zorthan: Lombaxes, bill collectors, people who say "ridonkulous", guys who wear sunglasses indoors, people who pop their collars, needy Drophyds, tribal tattoos, and Mr. Zurkon.
IRIS Supercomputer[]
The IRIS Supercomputer is widely agreed to be the most powerful computing device ever created. No one is certain who created the computer or how old it is, but its data banks have records that date back hundreds of thousands of years. The computer is so powerful and its circuitry is so arcane that even the best engineers in the galaxy are unsure how something of this complexity was ever created. Since the rise of Tachyon's empire, the IRIS supercomputer has been declared off limits to civilians. Tachyon himself once tried to use IRIS's computing power to predict the exact time he would return the Cragmite race to power. Instead, IRIS foretold that a lone Lombax orphan from a distant galaxy would ultimately destroy his empire. After that prediction Tachyon sought for the stray Lombax across many galaxies, insisting that killing the Lombax was of utmost importance to the future of the empire.
Tachyon Turret[]
The infamous "Tachyon Turret" is the heart of the exterior security force at Zordoom Prison. Built with two kilo-tons of solid polonium and armed with 12-barreled posomorphic fission cannons, these monstrosities guarantee that no prisoner can ever escape the Zordoom compound.
Stealth Fighter[]
A Stahl-Goodwin cloaking apparatus makes this vessel impossible to see with conventional radar or the naked eye. Coupled with an upgraded vector lock-on system, the Stealth Fighter is one of the most effective killing machines in Slag's fleet.
Sweeper[]
Originally used by Argonoid Mercenaries during the Phylax Intrusion, this unusual vessel uses zero-point energy and to sap the energy out of its prey.
Class 7 Gunship[]
The largest vessel in the fleet, the Class 7 Gunship boasts multiple ion cannons and an 8.6 kiloton power harness. This monolith relies on the hydrogen of seven stars just to cross from one side of Polaris to the other, making it the largest, most inefficient vessel in the fleet.
Hardy Buccaneer[]
These Buccaneers are the fiercest fighters in Slag's crew. They pillage more payloads, they ravage more residences, and they guzzle more grog than any other Buccaneers under Slag's command.
Scurvy Corsair[]
These Corsairs shoot every bit as fast as their brethren, but they also pack illegal plasma-infused dark-matter into their rifles making them one of the most deadly and feared opponents in all of Polaris.
Souleating Swab[]
The Souleating Swab is the most foul and unfriendly pirate in the galaxy. As if the regular Swabs weren't bad enough, the Souleating Swabs feed on Leviathan Souls in a vain attempt to harness their power and correct the malfunctions and deformities that have resulted in their ostracization. The power of the Leviathan Souls, while failing to serve the desired purpose, have rendered the Souleating Swabs far deadlier and more vicious than all other pirates.
Kerchu Mortar Chucker[]
The Kerchu are known to fortify their cities against intruders with deadly booby traps and heavy artillery. The Mortar Chucker is one of their simplest, but most effective deterrents against imperial troops, pirate looters, and persistent crotchinator salesmen.
Kerchu Mech Wrecker[]
The Kerchu's virtually indestructible "Mech Wrecker" is said to be the guardian of some great and powerful secret within Kerchu City. Only two people have ever seen the Mech Wrecker and made it off of Planet Jasindu alive. One was famed explorer Max Apogee who disappeared shortly after leaving the planet. The other was said to have been a smuggler of rare commodities and black market weaponry, but his name and whereabouts remain unknown.
Black-Hearted Rogue[]
Black-Hearted Rogues are far more dangerous and slightly more malodorous than other Rogues. They have great disdain for pirates and non-pirates alike, and their years spent wallowing in self-pity and loathing have fueled an unquenchable desire to crush out all life in their path.
Captain Romulus Slag[]
Captain Romulus Slag is the brutal and fearless leader of a deadly band of robotic space pirates thought to be based on Planet Ardolis. Captain Slag has held a lifelong grudge against his creator, Percival Tachyon, for abandoning him and the rest of the pirates. Captain Slag has since made it his goal to seek out the same Lombax Secret that Tachyon has spent his life hunting for. Whether Slag hopes to gain the secret to redeem the love of his creator, or whether he wants it only to spite him is a question no one is foolhardy enough to ask.
Rusty Pete[]
Rusty Pete is Captain Slag's right hand man. If not for an ill-fated round of cannonball roulette, Pete would be his left-hand man as well. Captain Slag relies on Rusty Pete's sage counseling, tactical strategizing, and grog mug filling skills every day. Rusty Pete would be next in line for the Captainship if he had any interest in the role, but the first mate prefers the simple pleasures of life: drinking grog, singing chanteys, and hijacking imperial freighters with nothing but a kitchen match and his own flatulence.
XR1 Drophyd Sentry[]
These are the toughest Drophyd Sentries in the imperial army. Their raritanium alloy armor and plutonium-edged bio-splitter pincers make them the most advanced fish-operated mechanized battle armor in the northwestern corner of the Polaris Galaxy.
Drophyd Trooper V2[]
These are the toughest Drophyd Troopers in the imperial army. They sport streamlined, hand-tailored raritanium armor and they are each equipped with a superheated cesium ion-fusion blaster.
Drophyd Defender Captain[]
Drophyd Defender Captains are the toughest and best trained ground troops in the imperial army. Conventional wisdom throughout the Polaris Galaxy suggests that if a squad of Defender Captains lands on your planet your best hope for survival is to surrender all your property, assume a fetal position and repeat the Imperial Loyalty Oath until they get bored enough to leave.
Omega Class Tachyon Transport[]
The Omega Class Tachyon Transport is identical to the Quasar Class transport vessel, but also has HDMI output. Wi-Fi support was planned for a yet higher end model, but was canceled when it was pointed out that Omega, by definition, is the last in a series. Drophyd Sentries went on strike for several weeks in protest until Tachyon agreed to add an additional letter after Omega. Despite some complaints from academic circles, the letter "Harvey" has since been declared to follow Omega. Unfortunately, the Harvey Class Tachyon Transport was scrapped due to budget overruns.
Class 7 Tachyon Gunship[]
The Class 7 gunship offers all the luxurious options in the Class 5, plus nanotech plasma shielding, Chlorodine-ruby laser amplifiers, and free pirate radio via satellite!
Obsidian Class Cyclocannon[]
The Obsidian Class Cyclocannon was created by order of imperial decree 21905 which forced GrummelNet to create, against our better judgment, a "Thoroughly Lombax Resistant Cyclocannon." This version of the vehicle is the toughest and deadliest vehicle we have ever created, and we feared for the future of the galaxy when we turned over the shipment to Tachyon. By order of decree 21906 we are disallowed to reveal any of the materials and components that make up this vehicle. Should Tachyon's empire one day be overthrown, GrummelNet pledges to donate a small portion of our profits from the Obsidian Class Cyclocannon to the families of those obliterated by it.
Obsidian Enforcer[]
The Obsidian Enforcer offers all the comforts and gratuitous destructive power of the original Enforcer, PLUS quad-folded raritanium shielding and the latest in anti-matter munitions! When you're staring down an angry Lombax with a Level 4 Alpha Disruptor, you'll be glad you paid a few extra bolts for the Obsidian Enforcer.
Cragpole[]
A Cragpole is the larvae form of the Cragmite species. Even in its infant stage, these creatures are incredibly vicious and dangerous. During the Great War the entire Slythrog population of Polyrupple II was devoured by Cragpoles shortly after surrendering to the Cragmite army. Many more stories of Cragmite treachery and cruelty would likely be told if not for the fact that the Cragmites habitually feasted on the bodies of the witnesses.
Cragmite Hunter[]
The Cragmite Hunter, while only an adolescent of the species, is still a ferocious and deadly opponent. The Cragmites train their young in martial arts and marksmanship while they are still in the egg, so the young adults of the species are already far more cunning and vicious than any other creatures in the galaxy.
Cragmite Warrior[]
The Cragmite Warrior is a fully grown form of the Cragmite species, and is the deadliest creature ever known to exist within an eight galaxy radius. The Cragmite Warriors once terrorized the entire galaxy, extinguishing hundreds of species and obliterating entire planets in their headlong rush to conquer the galaxy. The species was declared extinct at the end of the Great War, but many throughout the galaxy still live with the fear that the Cragmites would somehow return.
Emperor Percival Tachyon[]
Percival Tachyon was discovered in an unhatched egg, frozen on the Kreeli Comet. He was discovered by Lombaxes who later raised him and taught him many of the secrets of Lombax engineering. Tachyon was very, very small for a Cragmite and even in the absence of any other members of his species he was painfully aware of this fact. As Tachyon grew older he eventually learned the truth about the disappearance of the rest of his race, and he began to bitterly resent the Lombaxes. Tachyon set out on his own, vowing to one day return the Cragmites to power and demolish everything a Lombax had ever created. Tachyon's knowledge of Lombax engineering, combined with his own keen intellect allowed him to accomplish technological feats never before seen in the galaxy. Tachyon created a crew of space pirates and set them out upon the galaxy to plunder loot for his cause. He grew extremely wealthy and powerful through the constant pillaging done by his loyal crew. But Tachyon had bigger goals in mind, and he abandoned the pirates and formed an alliance with the Drophyds of planet Zaurik. Tachyon convinced the ordinarily powerless Drophyds that they could conquer the galaxy using technology he would provide for them. He created factories that built thousands of armored battle suits, hovering gunships, mechanized walkers, and even interstellar warships. He soon declared himself "Emperor" and began conquering planets one by one until he controlled nearly half of the Polaris galaxy. He still relentlessly pursues hit ultimate goal of returning the Cragmite race to the galaxy underneath his own rule.